My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. About a month ago, I broke up with him because I was tired of the lack of effort no calls, no dates, no compliments. I begged for these things for a long time and felt really hurt and ignored because he wouldnt do it even when id beg. We were broken up for about a week, and honestly it was one of the worst times for me. I missed him a lot and felt like he didn’t care, which made everything worse. He eventually reached out, we talked, and got back together. He said he would change and start putting in effort.
Now the problem is… he actually is trying. But I don’t feel the way I thought I would. Instead of feeling happy, I feel:
Like I don’t even want the effort anymore like I had to force him to do it like he’s only doing it temporarily and will go back to how he was
I also notice that when we’re talking on the phone, everything feels okay and normal. But when I’m alone or we argue, all the past hurt comes back and I feel really angry and resentful. For example, recently he asked me to turn off comments on a TikTok I wanted to post because he didn’t like other guys commenting. (I was fully clothed and it was just a video of me). I said no but offered to limit it to friends only, and he got upset. It frustrated me because he never used to support or compliment my posts when I asked him to.
Another time, he asked me for reassurance before I go to an event, and I got annoyed because I kept thinking about all the times I begged him for reassurance and didn’t get it. I still love him, but I feel like I’ve built up so much resentment that it’s affecting how I act now. He says hes willing to work with me and knew there were wounds that needed healing when he came back. But he doesnt want me to lash out. The problem is that even if i dont lash out its always going to be in my head. Because where were u when id beg for the bare minimum bro, I had to memorize ur entire day schedule just to talk to u.
Should I try to work through this, or is this a sign that the relationship is already damaged?
I feel so terrible because he struggles with anxiety with gerd, and he says thats the reason for all of this and he became distant. the problem is that ive been begging and waiting for ONE YEAR. he was diagnosed like a couple months ago.