Do I (21F) lack sexual attraction to my paralyzed partner (21M)
My (21F) relationship with my partner (21M) has been going on for about 4 years. We got together summer of senior year in high school and have been long distance ever since due to different colleges. He has been my first and only partner aside from a brief situationship which did not have penetrative sex. One important detail is my partner is paralyzed waist down and cannot feel anything there due to a spinal cord injury. This leads to a very limited sex life.
I don’t really understand sex that well and I don’t think I’ve ever cum when we have had sex (oral or fingers). Although I do finish alone it is only with external touch and I find myself afraid of the idea of finishing from internal stimulation (what if it’s pee not cum???)
I have told my partner about my concerns for our sex life and we have been trying different things but nothing seems to work. Another factor is being in a long distance relationship it’s hard to adjust to being intimate in person after so long. Sometimes I get a bit grossed out at the idea of kissing him, which makes me wonder if i’m still physically attracted. I have been interested in sex and kissing before so I don’t think I’m ace.
Since he is paralyzed sex can sometimes feel one sided but I don’t think there’s anything we can do. Before starting a relationship there were certain fantasies/kinks I wanted to fulfill but it’s no longer possible.
My partner has been very understanding of my feelings and is the sweetest man alive. I don’t think I could ever find anyone I would love as much. I would love advice and an outside perspective on what next steps I could take to fix our sex life or if maybe leaving the relationship is the best decision.