I (25m) had a severe case of psychosis with capgras syndrome (thinking your loved ones are replaced by actors) after doing suicidal amounts of amphetamines over a period of time and being in a very stressful situation and got delusions of being the devil himself that had to safe the world from the nazis that I thought made a comeback in germany and my father is going to become the new dictator.
Also thought my parents were actors and my actual parents got killed. My father kicked me out with the police after I went to the psychward (with police force) at least 5 times and got them to release me everytime idk why they did that tbh, they tried putting me on haldol while a police officer was choking me with his knees while I was screaming in pain uncontrollably they couldnt get me to take the haldol and I went ape shit in the psychward having to get tied to bed numerous times thowing shit at the personal etc. After that I got homeless tried fentanly in the homeless shelter and almost died and almost got r#ped by my roommated in this homeless shelter. I still get horrible flashbacks of this time. And these are just the things I'm able to talk about I'm glad I didn't kill someone and I'm glad that I survived this horror and I'm not in a forensic psych ward, but now I definitely have cPTSD
It's been 2 years now and my father actually died of cancer one year ago after I was out of psychosis. I miss him and I don't know how I should deal with putting him trough such a nightmare just a year before his death.
In 2 days I will attend another long term rehab hopefully they can help me. I was going to NA for a while which was also helping me but I stopped going and relapsed on drugs. I have sucidal thoughts every now and then because of this shit that happend. In 2 days I will start a new chapter hopefully.
btw I'm not homeless anymore and I'm in a good relationship with my family again
Does anyone else been through something similar and have some advice what I can do?
(sorry for bad english)