u/Icy-Mess-860 — reddlx

I have started going to pilates twice a week, on Mondays and Wednesdays (the only days the studio offers classes that fit with my schedule) and am trying to build out the rest of my week around that. I was thinking something like this

S: Rest

M: Pilates

T: Lift

W: Pilates

Th: Run

F: Lift

Sat: Run?

I tend to do yoga most nights but more focused on deep stretching than strength. I know ideally there would be more rest days but when I get in routine of working out it does make me feel so much better to do something every day--since this is pretty varied activity would it be okay? I'm also just starting out running and lifting so I wouldn't be pushing super hard. I would probably do an upper/lower split for lifting, and on Sundays as long as the weather is nice I usually end up playing basketball or roller blading or something else active, so this routine would be more a guideline than anything I just wonder if it's too much?

We have been dating for about six months, the first five were in person. We met from an app and initially neither of us were looking for something long term but then things just felt so good and right and we said 'I love you' and all that and realized this should be something more than a fling. He is a seasonal worker on the west coast (we're in the US) and I live in the midwest, he grew up in a suburb of the city I live in and was there with his mom while he was here for the winter.

When we were talking about if we wanted to long distance or just call it, he expressed that being back here felt bad for his mental health and he didn't really want to live here again. I understand that, but there were also compounding factors at play (he was working nights, which will obviously fuck up anyone's sleep/eating/physical activity which as we all know directly relates to mental health) and his seasonal job is with a bunch of friends he has become quite close to and involves a lot of physical activity and being outdoors and feeling very Purposeful (basically my thesis is he would be depressed in the off season no matter what given these conditions, the city/state he was in have nothing to do with it). Of course, I didn't say quite all that since I didn't want to minimize his feelings or experiences, but I think that it is worth taking into consideration.

I love my city. I have lived here for two years and previously lived on the west coast for about three years and went to school in another state/region, there is nowhere I feel more like myself than the city I live in now. I have a huge friend group (that he ended up being really friendly with/would easily be able to meaningfully integrate into) that feels like a sitcom type setup--most of us live within a few blocks of each other and we pop in for shared meals or movie nights or whatever else, and any time we go out anywhere we are bound to bump into one of our reoccurring characters/supporting cast. His family lives in the state and he has a few friends from high school/undergrad in the state as well.

As it currently stands, he is on his seasonal job right now and will be until about October, and then coming back through the end of the holiday season, and that was very conscientiously how far out we had planned since when we tried to talk about it further it turned into a ten years out "well when my parents start needing support" type discussion which felt unproductive. He is looking at going back to school in the next few years and there is a program in my state that fits pretty well with what he wants to do and would be cheaper since he has in state residency here, but he's looking at out of state programs too.

I wish I wasn't thinking about this as much as I am but I can't stop chasing it around in my head. If I felt like he could give me everything else I need to be happy I would be willing to move, but that's not a fair expectation to put on anyone. I am also aware that the bliss of my lifestyle will not last forever and eventually people will start having babies and moving out of the city (for all the amazing things we have, good schools is not one of them). I truly believe that if he tried being here for a year (or longer than just the horribly depressing sunless winter living as a nocturnal beast--six months) he would feel better about it but I can't make that choice for him. On top of all of this is the fact that we haven't been together that long and there's no way of knowing what the future holds, but I am also concerned about my personal timeline for marriage and babies (which I obviously can't entirely control, but I can have some say in) and don't want to waste time with someone who I won't be able to compromise with but I can also see a whole life for us together if this can be figured out, and I know this doesn't need to be figured out right now but it's taking up so much space in my head I want to find a way to feel okay about it.

Honestly I don't know what type of guidance or advice I need, even just typing this out has made me feel better just to express stuff, but if anyone has been in a similar spot and figured it out with a happy ending let me know!