Hey guys.
Looking for advice on how to tackle this.
So new years 2025 I kissed a boy who I used to be in a situationship with.
So essentially we all live in the same area and everyone goes to this once place every new year.
I wasn’t expecting to see him ex situationship there as he never really went out but anyways he did end up being there.
I was black out really fast by drinking strong tequila cocktails and also not eating anything that day during the night one of my friends gave me a bump to sober me up a bit.
For context my boyfriend was working new years.
During the night I ended up seeing him and we said hey and that was it until I saw him later on in the smoking area by mistake.
He came up to me we spoke about stuff I can’t even remember and we kissed I can’t even remember that either but my friend told me she definitely saw me kiss him.
That is literally all what happened but it sits with me every day.
I wanted to tell my boyfriend as soon as it happened but as I had a raging hangover I knew I needed to be able to articulate better.
I was so nervous spoke to my best friend about this and she was giving me some advice and she did say if I were you I wouldn’t tell him sort of thing although I’d like to think I’m a good decent person I knew it was the right thing to do.
I was feeling so vulnerable tho as me and my partner we were already not in a good place I caught him doing something dodgy on his phone two weeks prior so for some reason in my head I’ve been feeling like well he did that and I did this so we can call it even?! I don’t even know.
I know that’s so morally corrupt as he doesn’t know anything about this.
I want to tell him so bad it just sits with me and as much as I do want to have a clear conscious selfishly, I do also want to just start again so we can start again.
Me and him have moved out now and we love being together and I do appreciate everyone’s opinions but please nobody tell me about how maybe we shouldn’t be together.
We have grown a lot together as people and I just know he is the one I want to be with for my entire life. I know I sound naive but if we get engaged or idk I just want him to be aware that I’m no angel and I’ve also fucked up.
I know I’ve waited but I need to tell him and just need some advice.
Also another part of this to why I need to tell him that has honestly pushed me more is one of my friends has brought up the situation multiple times now. Making me feel very insecure within my relationship as if she has all the power over me and I cant help but think if shit hits the fan ever and she wants to tell him I just know it would mean 100x more to him if it was coming from me and not her.
I say this because she doesn’t really like me too much is the vibe I’m getting.
I’m just scared like what if he does break up with me as I’ve been so dishonest for so long but also just the betrayal he would feel. We have a few more issues like us living together it makes me anxious thinking would he want to leave and if he does where would he go?
Please help me in the best way of dealing with this
Thank you