About a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I had been thinking about breaking up with him for a while honestly because I was tired of him not making an effort. We are both 20 and he genuinely had no goals or any idea of what he wanted to do with his life which is completely okay but he wasn’t even trying to come up with anything. He would get upset when I asked him to help with chores around the house. I hadn’t really been able to get intimate with him as well which was affecting our relationship.
He had searched through my phone one night and saw messages with one of my friends talking about how I have been thinking about breaking up with him. He had freaked out when he saw that and was extremely upset which is so valid. I was going to eventually bring it up to him when I was ready but I was genuinely not even sure if I had wanted to yet. He was furious the whole day and would not talk to me but eventually we had talked and agreed to try and make things work. He told me he would work on everything and things would be better.
Fast forward to 5 days later. I had therapy and me and my therapist had talked it over. I told her about how he’s been very insecure and constantly worried i’d been cheating on him. I kind of started to think maybe he was projecting so I decided to go through his phone and I saw he had been cheating on me. Like recently. Like literally doing it the same day I checked his phone. I decided not to say anything to him but he got extremely mad at me for going to the bar with my friend so eventually I brought it up. He was furious with me completely deflecting that
he had been cheating on me and he began to pack of my stuff and try to kick me out. It was my birthday and I had a trip planned with my friends so I ended up just leaving to go on the trip.
On the trip, I had hung out with one of my guy friends and yes I did make out with him. So I knew right then and there It had to be done with my boyfriend. I came back home the next day and I told him everything, I told him I was leaving, I was moving out and that we couldn’t be together anymore. He obviously took that extremely hard and I felt super guilty for hurting him as well.
The whole time I was in the city he was blowing up my phone, logging in my stuff, tracking my uber ect. He was going insane.
Even when I did officially end things he would do stuff that would kind of creep me out. Constantly stalking my snap score, seeing if I had added people on snapchat, ect. I understand he was hurt and that’s why he was going insane but I don’t think it’s okay to do that to someone.
It’s been almost a month now and I miss him so much. It hurts so bad. I feel so incredibly guilty and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like i’ve just been distracting myself with other men and that makes me feel even more guilty. I don’t know what to do anymore. I still love him so much but I am so confused.