AITA for contemplating leaving over online comments (crossing known boundaries)?
Tldr found his gooner thirst comments, struggling with decision to leave
I 37f started semi trial separation ("need time to think") with my bf 42m of 8 years 3 months ago.
We had an amazing relationship... He was the love of my life... I thought. We were so compatible on our sense of humor, interests, politics, what we wanted in life. I thought we were so happy. Like no we of course had our issues like every couple does but nothing major or that we couldn't overcome with a little communication. We had a lil sexual mismatch in the fact that his sex drive was lower than mine (he has some ed and performance anxiety) but I tried to be understanding and patient. Im pretty open sexually and am fine to focus on non PIV sex and some kink stuff.
So I am pretty open minded sexually but I am monogamous... No shade on ethical non monogamy it just isn't me. I find joy in being devoted to one partner and want that in return. I also don't have a big issue with porn like generally but I admit felt a tiny bit bad sometimes because of his lower sex drive when I'm wanting more sex... but I told him straight up just like check yourself make sure its not becoming a problem and be discreet. My only real big thing is I would never be ok with the interactive stuff... following OF models or cam sites or custom content... Like I think reaching out in any way crosses a line where it's no longer "just looking". Especially when we have a lil trouble in the bedroom you know
Well I trusted him completely. He's so sweet and loving... He respects me and communicates... He prides himself on not being what he calls a typical male. I never expected.... I had to borrow a tablet of his he no longer used much when mine stopped working... he was still signed in on some stuff and I saw a notification that sounded weird so yeah I admit I did click on it to find he has a secret reddit where he was leaving sexual comments on porn subs, like directly to the creators. Idk it just broke me because he knows how I feel and he knows I want more intimacy. I tried telling myself you know he didn't do anything physical in real life so maybe it didn't feel as real to him, but man my hurt is real and he still betrayed me.
I chose to leave him ... 8 years otherwise amazing relationship. Because I can't imagine how we can rebuild that trust... and I lost a lot of respect for him (comments were thirsty n lame lol... also the only reason she'd engage is in hope you'll pay for more content, idiot)... but dammit I'm still in love with him. I moved into our spare room until I can figure out what I'm doing... So I still see him pretty much every day and sometimes things feel just normal and sometimes it just hurts and I want him back. He wants me back... Initially he got angry, said I was overreacting because it's just the internet and it's anonymous... ok so they don't know you but YOURE putting YOUR sexual energy into someone else while I'm in the next room waiting for you... Later he's like ok I fkd up and all apologies. I can tell he feels bad but honestly I'm so torn now...
On one had I'm so hurt and I want to stand firm because I feel strongly that he blatantly broke my trust...
On the other hand... I want to be told I'm overreacting and this is just normal guy behavior... that I should forgive him... So we can go back to normal and happier times, because I do totally still love him
Sorry this post is kinda a mess...