Married man - reality check pls
I’m a wife who needs a reality check please. Married for 15 years. Have young kids. Years ago, found husband on a dating app again after we met there initially. Swore it was only because he was a bit lonely. Found Grindr on his phone a few years ago. Said it was because he wanted to see if his bro was on there (he wasn’t out but we strongly suspected he was gay - he’s out now and happily married!) He’s always been interested in back door action but also very into lady garden action. I wasn’t too taken with back door (sorry). Our sex life isn’t amazing due to young kids and trauma and also very different work schedules (I work shifts and he’s away a lot). A few months ago I found him with a locked WhatsApp chat. I wasn’t snooping on phone, just sitting beside me and he had to use his face to open it or something - anyway can’t remember how I noticed it. He’s always been super secretive about his phone, his passcode. Refuses to share his location with me (again just for kids picks ups etc) but used to share Google without realising and one night he went out and I saw him parked up a laneway with nothing else there. Rang him and he didn’t answer. Then this week I found a bag of condoms and sachets of lube in his car. And then did a bit of looking around our room and found a big bottle of animal lube hidden on top of our wardrobe.
I am completely heartbroken. I feel so betrayed and yet all I worry about is my kids. He’s a good dad. They’re so little. I can’t bear to rip the family apart. Is he gay?? Do marriages survive? I want a reality check. Help appreciated.