The girl I’ve been dating for almost a year never really wants to have sex. When we do have sex, it’s maybe once a month, and I always have to initiate it. She’s almost never interested, never initiates, and even when we are having sex, she just doesn’t seem into it at all. I don’t even think she orgasms or really gets turned on.
I’ve communicated this to her, and she swears everything is fine, but she wants me to initiate everything. After we talked about it, that’s what I started doing, and almost all of my advances get rejected. She shies away or gets tense when I touch her, or she seems irritated. I never try to overdo it or be pushy, but now I’m left feeling lonely — not seen, not heard, and not desired.
I try to do everything right for this person: helping as much as I can, going to her house and cleaning when I know she’s stressed and at work, mowing her yard, sending flowers on special occasions, etc.
She’s also told me she’s just not that into sex, which is hard for me to believe because she was hooking up before we started dating. I know this because, well… my brother was one of the flings for about three weeks. Being the chump I am, I asked my brother how their sex life was while they were seeing each other, and it was a complete 180 from ours.
He told me she constantly wanted sex, was going to his house, and even told him to wake her up with it in the middle of the night. He talked about how they were having sex before bed, in the middle of the night, and in the mornings. He also told me how turned on she was all the time. Meanwhile, with me, she barely seems turned on or interested at all.
I was immediately embarrassed and felt like a complete chump. I honestly don’t know what the hell is going on. I need some advice. Is she just not into me? Am I bad in bed? What is going on?