u/Icy-Appointment2441

Me and my ex (28f) were together for 3 years.. we went thru a lot together. We lost jobs, made a house a home, got a dog together.. it was a typical relationship. But I wast good to her or myself in that time.. I used to let my anxiousness and fear stop me from being the best me and that trickled down to her too.. I cheated, not physically, but it didn’t matter bc I broke her trust from that point on. She literally stuck around one day she woke up and decided to be free of me. When we were “having the talk” one thing stuck out to me that I never forgot and probably never will… she told me she didn’t feel safe with me. It wasn’t me physically putting hands on her, it was feeling like she’s getting beat up even without that.. I would berate, belittle and beg her for things.. I was not a man in her eyes and I felt that after a while. We stopped having sex completely. I moved out of a place I knew was hers to begin with but was consistently told was mine too. Now I’m just here, picking up the pieces of heart I have left.. been doing the work on myself these past few months, getting into therapy, spending more time with family, believing more in myself and my ability but I’m saddened by the fact that I hurt her at all.. she loved me, every bit of me and since I wasn’t loving myself I couldn’t appreciate all that she was trying to do for me.. I haven’t reached out to her, probably never will. She probably way better off without me. But I want to be better for the next one. I have no children and a lot of (newly matured) love to give but I’m not good at approaching women or telling if they are interested in me.. guess I just came to vent a bit. If it’s too long winded I’m sorry.. I’m just trying to things much differently than I used to