u/Icetella

Is there such a thing as a memory gatekeeper? Like, a headmate who controls memories? We are a system that has had me (the host) always remember everything 24/7 mostly. I am always aware of everything even when I am not fronting.

There have been 2 times today that I have forgotten what we were talking about/doing internally. (we were talking in our head both times) And it wasn't just one of those "I forgot what I was thinking about" moments. The first time everyone in the system forgot. All we could remember was that Kai was fronting because I was upset and I had internally screamed at the end. Kai couldn't remember why I was so upset either. He thought maybe there is someone new we don't know about that has control over memories.

Is that possible?

Here is the next time:

Kai and Reggi were arguing about something. The memory of what they were arguing about got wiped too.

Here is what really is weird and I find hard to believe: Right as we are trying to remember and we are thinking if there is someone controlling the memories, a voice shows up. He claims to have control of the memories and that he doesn't want fighting or pain, so that is why he took the memories. He moved my hand, so he is a real headmate. I have a hard time believing him.

Do you think this is possible? What do we do?

I'm having really bad dysphoria rn and I don't know how to ease it. I'm angelkin/celestialkin. I wish I had wings all over and eyes covering my cheeks. I would have a large tail with two massive wings attached to it. I would be majestic and beautiful. But that might never happen. I'm stuck on earth. I'm stuck in this body.

I can't just go buy myself some wings, they are too expensive for me. I can't make them because I lack the skills. I am going to buy myself some jewelry that makes me feel like a real angel/at home and hopefully that works. But even then it probably won't be enough.

What do I do to feel better as an angelkin?

Angelkin/celestials that have dysphoria, what does yours look like and how do you deal with it?