My fiance dumped me over text message. We had just moved to an apartment together in NYC. He did it 10 weeks into the move. It was a rough winter for New York, and I had been adjusting to the new city. We were in a tiny apartment together through it. We were both at the same school in the city. When spring break rolled around, he suggested I go to my hometown for the break while he stayed in NY. At that point, he was already avoiding me and devaluing me, something a lot of people on this sub understand. I didn't want to go home, but I thought if I gave him space I would come back and things would be better. He had never pulled away like this before. I thought it was the size of our apartment or the winter that made him not want to be around me for the moment. He dumped me and moved out his stuff while I was gone.
I came back home a few days later to my new life. The apartment was trashed, his stuff and shared valuables were gone, and my cat was neglected. He refused to pay half the rent going forward, so I had to get the apartment in my name. Weeks later, he gave me some context, like his mother was helping him craft text messages to send me during that time. Also that he had had sex with someone new before I was even back in town. He had found a new place to live, and he was starting over. Since then, he’s reached out sporadically. Pretty classic hot and cold, keeping the door cracked open behavior, regretting what he did but still dismissing the cruelty of his actions.
It’s been 7 weeks since he left, and I've already become more detached. The last time I spoke with him, I told him there was no justification for how he treated me at that time. He hung up pretty quickly after that.
I broke my foot less than a week ago, and oddly it has helped me heal from this and put things into perspective. I have no friends or family in this city to count on when I’m physically down like this. I came here thinking we would build our lives. And now when my health is on the line, I can’t count on him. It helped me see for good that he is gone and he will put his interests over mine every single time.
One thing that you have to grieve in a discard is the future you might have had together. I had a pregnancy loss last year with him. My due date would have been a month before he left. I think about the fact that I would have been freshly postpartum when he left. While I still mourn that loss of the pregnancy everyday, a broken foot is much less than the physical toll of childbirth and postpartum. I wouldn't have been able to count on him though that time either, which is scary looking back.
Even in this challenge, my cat is still fed, her littler box is clean. My apartment is clean, I am still going to work and school. And I'm doing it all by myself. I'm still showing up for the important things in my life, even though I can’t walk on my foot in a city when walking is essential. That is more than he can say with two good feet.