My grandma passed away and I don’t know how to process it
I haven’t spoken to my mom in almost two years. I got the text from her yesterday that my grandma passed away. It’s been two years since I saw my grandma (who lives in FL near my mom) and was able to introduce her to my one year old daughter. It was so special to see them together and I of course planned to visit as much as I could while she was healthy (I’m in NJ). Fast forward a few months from then and my mom and I go no contact. No more FaceTimes with my grandma and no more visits. I avoided visiting to avoid dealing with my mom. Each time I worked up to going to visit anyway, there was some sort of personal setback. This past November I vowed to fly down and then found out I was pregnant. I didn’t want to risk anything with flying or stress after two miscarriages earlier in the year. After the new year, I reached out to my mom just to see what her response would be as I was feeling a certain way knowing I was carrying a baby she may not meet. It didn’t go well. Any thought of going to visit again was squashed and then my grandma fell and had to have surgery last month. From there she had some further issues and passed away yesterday. I never told her I was pregnant. I didn’t want my mom to find out and now she’s gone and will never know she would have had a second great grandchild. Whose name is a family name on her side. (Not why we picked it but nonetheless). I wasn’t speaking to my mom when my grandfather passed as well so the cycle has repeated. I don’t believe I will be traveling for the service at this time and just don’t know how to process this all. Myself, my daughter and my grandmother missed out on almost two years of time that could have been spent together.