My marriage might go coming to an end
Salam all,
I’ve (26F) been married to my husband (31M) for 3 years and lately I genuinely feel like our marriage is losing its connection. Romance feels almost non existent and I’m starting to feel more like a roommate than a wife.
One of the biggest issues is children. I’ve wanted to start trying for a baby for a long time. We had agreed that last month would be when we’d start trying, but when the time came he completely changed his stance. He now says he’s “not ready”, that it should happen naturally and we shouldn’t put timelines on it, but he still uses protection every time. It’s confusing because I feel like I’ve built hope around promises he later backs away from.
I really do try with our relationship. I plan holidays, dates, game nights, try to keep things exciting and make an effort for him emotionally and physically. But he often seems distant or uninterested. When I asked him directly what was wrong, he said he feels like he has “no time to himself” and that we’re always together.
Recently we went to Thailand and the trip honestly upset me. Around other people, especially girls, he was laughing, joking and really social, but with me he seemed irritated and critical over small things. When I brought it up, he said I was jealous and acting like an “introverted background character” in a bad mood. But the reason I’d withdraw is because I felt constantly corrected or spoken down to, which made it hard to relax and enjoy myself. I told him those other people don’t see the controlling or critical side of him that I do.
At one point I even said if I make him that unhappy then maybe he should divorce me, but he said he never would because he wants a future with me and he chose me. That’s what confuses me the most. He says he loves me, but I don’t feel emotionally wanted or enjoyed. Sometimes I feel more like a “perfect wife” image in his life than an actual partner he feels connected to.
Since the trip he’s said he wants to focus heavily on making money and building a clothing business, and that I need to learn to spend more time alone and go out more. I’m naturally introverted, so hearing that hurt. He says I distract him from his goals, but realistically he’s usually exhausted from work, gaming, or sleeping. On weekends he says he wants family time, which I respect, but even then he’s mostly on his phone.
I also feel like he’s lost or stressed career wise and maybe taking that frustration into our relationship. What hurts is that advice from strangers online, especially women online, seems to land better than the exact same advice coming from me.
I spoke to my mum about possibly divorcing and she completely shut me down. She said he’s a good husband because he provides, takes me on holidays, and that people these days give up too easily on marriage. She basically refused to even discuss it with me.
I feel stuck because on paper he sounds like a good husband, but emotionally I feel lonely, unwanted and disconnected in my own marriage.
Am I approaching this wrong? Has anyone been through something similar? How do you know if this is just a rough phase from stress, or if the relationship is genuinely breaking down?