Hi everyone! I really need some outside perspective and advice.I don’t have much romantic experience, so I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this.
So I try to keep it short, I met a guy while traveling — we matched on a dating app and met up within an hour. The date went really well, and we ended up seeing each other every day during my stay (3 dates total). I made it clear I’m not into hookups, and he still was like really interested. He seemed very into me and talked about staying in touch, traveling together since ”it would be pity to waste such a great potential“.
After I left, we texted for a few days, then he disappeared. I was upset, but I moved on and treated it as a nice travel memory.
Then about a week later, he came back with “I miss you.” When I asked (quite emotionally ) what he meant, he said long distance is hard for him and he’s not into that. Then he disappeared again for 2 weeks.
After that, he texted again casually, updating me about his life and suggesting we go on a trip together. I was honestly annoyed, but I didn’t want to again react too emotionally (since I thought well we don’t own each other anything, barely know each other etc.) replied anyway. We texted a bit, and I said I’d think about the trip, we agreed we’ll decide by the end of the week. Now the conversation has kinda died again, and I feel like I’m the one initiating most of the time all these casual check ins “how the day is going?” and stuff, he never ask me questions (bit he mentioned it’s difficult for him to manage things on distance)
So now I’m confused:
- Is it unrealistic to expect more consistency from someone I only met 3 times (and we didn’t even sleep together)?
- If he’s not that invested, why suggest a trip at all?
- if it’s difficult on distance for him, what is even the point of meeting if we will be later on distance again?
- He says “our story isn’t finished” and wants to see where it goes — but his actions feel inconsistent and I just don’t know, whether it’s something normal since we barely know each other or my expectations are reasonable
Part of me wants someone who is more clearly interested and consistent, especially before planning something like a trip. Another part of me doesn’t want to overreact or miss out on a potentially nice twenties summer experience.
I’m also wondering if I should just treat this as something casual or even suggest going as friends.
I struggle to trust my own judgment here — I tend to be very all-or-nothing.
What would you do in this situation? How do you tell if your expectations are reasonable or too much?