u/IamChristinaYang

Hey guys, I just need to rant. So I found out I am five weeks pregnant from a guy that I told not to finish, and he said well it already happened…so now I am stuck fixing this problem by myself. I ordered the pills from women on web like two days ago, so hopefully they will come in soon. I’m really scared to take them since I will be doing it by myself in my dorm with my inconsiderate roommate. The timing is terrible right now…mind you, next week is finals week, and this week I have had two exams in my hardest classes. I try so hard in my classes, and my anatomy class took up way too much of my time, so I am really behind on chemistry. I found out I was pregnant the night before I had to take my anatomy exam, and my body almost went into shock. I have very bad anxiety that has a lot of physical symptoms, so I developed insomnia, spasms in my spine that made me kick my feet out, every time I went to pick something up, I felt like I was going to pass out, my neck, jaw, and entire back were and are still sore. I had to email my professor asking if I could take it on Monday, which thankfully she let me, and I scored a 43%. I have never done that badly on an exam, especially in anatomy, considering it’s my favorite subject. I just feel like such a failure. I can’t even concentrate right now. And I have to take the meds while I am still here in my dorm, so my parents do not question anything. So, depending on whether the pills come in this weekend, I will be in pain while still trying to study. Usually, I am a very strong person, and I have been able to overcome a lot of things, but having my depression and anxiety at their peak while having to deal with the fact that I am pregnant and still need to pass my classes is making me physically sick. I have the dream of becoming a doctor, and I worked so hard and killed myself this semester studying, but now it is all blowing up in my face. I have always preached that I never wanted to be like my mother since she had me at 19 (I am 19 right now) and she had to give up on her dreams and goals in life to raise me, and I have never wanted children, and I fear I am turning into everything I despise. I feel like I am going to live with this in the back of my mind for the rest of my life. I just hope this medication works and there are no complications. I don’t know what I will do, considering my parents are conservative to the max. I just need some kind words or advice, please.

So I’m in college and I found out I’m almost five weeks pregnant…I told the guy that it happened with and he was shocked. I told him not to finish in me and he proceeds to say “well it already happened”. I told him that I cannot keep it because it will ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for on my pathway to becoming a doctor. And, my mom had me when she was 19 (I’m 19 right now) and I don’t want to be like her. Not in a bad way it’s just she stopped pursuing her dreams and goals to raise me and I will not do that. I ended up telling him I had ovarian cysts and it can indicate a false positive. I lied to protect myself because he’s the type of person that opens his mouth to everyone and I live in a small town so that would spread like wild fire. He believed me so he thinks I’m not pregnant. He was literally telling him dad “you’re gonna be a grandpa”. But, for the serious part I’m a hypochondriac to the max. I’m terrified that it won’t work and I’ll have to take more meds or have a procedure done. But the thing is luckily I’m still in my dorm and I’ll take the pills while I’m still in my dorm but if I find out I’m still pregnant while I’m at home then I may be screwed. My parents are very conservative and they would not let me get a procedure. I also have very bath mental health as it is, I was supposed to hop on anxiety and antidepressants in a few days (I’m already on Adderall). I’m going to wait to take my new meds until it’s over. I’m scared I’m going to get super depressed. I’ll be doing it by myself in my dorm and having to deal with my very loud inconsiderate roommate. Is there any advice on how to guarantee that it works, or just mental advice. I feel worthless or like something that’s broken. Like after this I feel like I’m going to self sabotage myself into never getting into a healthy relationship because I don’t deserve it.