u/I_know_anymore_420

I 17f recently got out of a relationship with 17m. Our relationship was not long, a month and a half tops, and I am struggling to determine if he assaulted me during our relationship. At the beginning of our relationship he was super sweet, and when we started talking about sexual stuff i was open with him about being a virgin and hadn’t done anything before, I was also open about not knowing if I was ready to start doing stuff. He at the time said that was okay and his priority was me being comfortable. But then he started to shift, every conversation became about sex, every hang out he’d progressively make it more sexual, he’d constantly ask if I would send nudes. I told him multiple times that I didn’t want to, that I wasn’t comfortable, or wasn’t ready and whenever I would say this he’d act really understanding until our next conversation or our next hang out where he’d continue this behaviour. Eventually we ended up having sex, I didn’t really think about it until recently but I never really said yes to doing it but I didn’t say no. I think I had sex with him because I felt like I had to, he had started becoming upset or angry with me when I would say I didn’t want to do something, asking me “why?” And when I didn’t have a reason other than I didn’t want to he would say it wasn’t good enough. He honestly made me feel kind of crazy, I still struggle to determine if not wanting to was a good enough reason. Every time after, when we had sex it was the same thing I’d lie there waiting for it to be over because it felt like it was something I had to do. But I never said no, he never held me down, or forced himself on me, I could’ve left at anytime. I broke up with him about a month ago and recently I’ve been waking up having panic attacks and every time I see him at school it feels like I can’t breathe. But did he really do anything to me if I didn’t say no? Any advice would be super appreciated I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and I’ve been going crazy about whether or not something did happen to me.