u/I_Jumped

I’m in my 30s and have kids. I don’t even know where this came from or why but this week I just started to realize that I can’t do it anymore. Sex with my husband is almost traumatic for me at this point. I have been telling myself for years that it’s because of past experiences but I’m scared it’s not. Over the years I tried so many solutions to fix myself sexually but so far nothing has worked. I started to think about the fact that I never think about men sexually, and although I often find them attractive, I never think about sex with them. I realized that straight sex scenes rarely turn me on. I had boyfriends in my early life though and I remember feeling attracted to them and enjoying their attention. It occurred to me that I lacked attention growing up and the paternal male attention that exist in straight relationships appealed to me even though the sex never did and I think that further confuses me. At the moment, I feel completely lost. I’m not sure what I am. I know that I don’t feel much for my husband or any man, but I’m not sure I’m gay. I know nobody can answer this for me but I guess I’m just hoping to hear how long it took for people to weed through this and if these hopeless and down feelings are normal.