Past experiences have left me in a state of yearning
I've had 2 "relationships" in the past. For context I am young, I am a teenager and I understand this is something that shouldnt matter to me at this point in time. But as a mildly autistic 15 Yr old (at the time) I didnt know how to be in a relationship properly, so i ended up with this person who had a ton of family issues and we had a year of toxic back and fourth where they would be avoidant and i would try and make things work. Nothing ever came to be (rather thankfully) and a few years have passed since then and I have completey cut contact with this person that has since done some atrocious things to the best of my knowledge but that is not relevant here. Anyways, almost immediately after that I tried to be with someone else. However, I feel as if they didnt really care or reciprocated feelings so I ended up having to leave the relationship shortly after. We left on good terms and I am friends with this person. both of these experiences mean that im constantly wishing to love somebody because I was so close in the past but instead none of them actually cared and its not their fault I just got unlucky. I kinda just want to feel something after some bad experiences but I dont feel as though that will be possible. Now I keep reserved and am respectful to everyone as I always have been. Idk, what do you guys think