u/ILoveReading_811

I haven't been to school in nearly a month because of my anxiety of going. I keep telling myself last year was so much worse because of my attendance but If I keep this up it’ll be much worse, and I know it. I know what I’m doing is wrong, I try to find ways to care or things to care about to help me go but it doesn’t work. Of course I have things I care about, things I want to do later in life, things I’ll have to do in order to have a decent life, but I feel I can’t do that if I don’t go to school. Yet I still don’t go. Everything’s about money and having a job, I don’t think I can do that without a diploma. Wanna know what’s even better? My schools closing, the year before I graduate. Mine along with serval others that are closing, so I won’t really have anywhere else to go. So I thought “hey, maybe I can try to graduate early” Can’t do that without going to school. I’m lucky to even get promoted to the next grade. They had a meeting about me last week, but I didn’t know about it so I wasn’t there. My mom said that they said if I come back I still have a chance at getting promoted.(she doesn’t know about me wanting to graduate early, but some teachers do) She told them I’d be back Monday, it’s Friday, still not back. Sunday night was absolutely horrible, I couldn’t sleep and eventually I just started crying. Monday night wasn’t so great either I got this weird feeling in my chest, I can’t really explain it tho. In my delusional mind I still think I might be able to graduate early. I know everyones on here searching for help, but please if anyone can help me I’d appreciate it very much. 

I haven't been going to school much at all because my anxiety has been so bad. Last year it seemed so much worse and I guess it was. But now It's very serious and I need to find a way to cope. My school is closing right before my senior year along with many others around. So I was thinking maybe I could try and graduate early, but I can't do that if I'm not there. I do have ADHD but once I understand something and get started on it, I can focus. It's just the getting started that's the problem. The feeling of anxiety I got last year hasn't been bad like this for a while now, until now. I mean right now, as I'm writing this. You might think it's about trying to graduate early, but its not, right now I just feel like I can't go tomorrow. If I do i feel like something bad will happen even tho I know it won't. I really need to find a way to just go to school and preferably not feel this way every night before school/morning of. I'm trying to make checklists to see if that could help at all. I know people will say to get therapy but if there's any way or any idea anyone has to avoid getting it I'd appreciate it. Thank you. (I know how stupid the title sounds lmao. I also wrote this a few weeks ago but the situation hasn't changed, expect for the fact I told teachers I would be going tomorrow, please help)