u/IGotFancyPants

Do I recently began dating after several years of widowhood. I haven’t dated since the 1990s and I’m pretty rusty.

I met a guy for a coffee date after we’d been texting and talking by phone. I was optimistic, but irl it was awkward, with little common ground. Nice guy, polite and appropriate, no big complaints, it was just not a good fit.

So what’s a gracious way to say “Thanks, but no thanks?” I don’t want to just ghost him, but I don’t know how to politely tell him that I’m not interested in meeting again. TIA to all who answer.

I (female INTJ) had matched with a guy in a dating app and the ensuing text exchange seemed promising . We both work in the financial services sector, so that was a comfortable base for conversation at first. He’s smart, polite and appropriate. We spoke by phone a few times and he seemed safe, no red flags, so we met for coffee this weekend. He told me he’s an ENTP, and they are supposedly good matches with INTJ, so I was hopeful.

What I was not prepared for was his chaotic high energy. It felt like I was on a date with a chihuahua that’s had too much espresso. He talked and talked and talked (one of my pet peeves) and it was 99% about himself. A few times I uninterrupted and said something, but he just kept going. And he jumped from topic to topic faster than a rush hour driver jumping from one lane to another.

Now, I like conversations that include numerous topics, but this was just too much. The sheer volume, the pace and the disjointedness were all too much, and I could feel my attention fading. Even taking first-date nerves into account, I could tell he’s a go-go-go person who doesn’t pick up on social cues very well. After 45 minutes of this tsunami of words, I thanked him for a nice evening and excused myself.

So, my take away is that MBTI is interesting and insightful, it’s not gospel. Predicted matches can go badly awry.