I don't know..
I wrote a whole post before this but it was honestly too long
The short of it was. 17 years together. Married for a year. After being convinced for the vast majority of the relationship that I'm the problem I finally realized it's definitely not all me. I wouldn't even say most now. I'm not without my faults but I also have no problem working on said faults.
Recently after reading more about dismissive avoidants I finally figured out what's going on with him... I took it to him. Just read a few things to him and asked if he could relate at all. He could, and his conclusion in the end was that I made him this way. That he was perfectly fine before me, which I have no doubt of, but I am definitely not what caused him to be this way.
Everything's been downhill since. He is currently in the process of discarding me I believe but like... He won't leave lol. He just treats me like I'm dirt. Talks to me however he likes. Acts however he wants and I'm meant to just... Deal with it I guess.
Tonight he blew up at me. Screamed right in my face, for even daring to have a conversation with him after the MONTH that this shit has been going on. I've given him space. I think I've only talked to him like an hour in the last month and most of that was just communicating in a video game we were playing .. lol. Screamed at me that I can't fix anything. "You've had so many chances" "I don't even know why I'm here anymore" "I know how to fix this, I leave" and then he.... Doesn't .. leave.
Are these just like empty threats? Lol. It genuinely feels like a control tactic. He's had every opportunity to voice whatever problem he has with me this time and he has said nothing and whatever he does say is so vague and doesn't fully make sense. When I try to make sense of it "stop trying to make sense of it. You can't fix it this time"
Then when I call him out for holding over my head the possibility of him leaving he says "fine" and makes this big dramatic show out of getting his things and did I fall for it? Sadly yes. I got him to just take a few days "lll give it a few days but it won't change anything" and then he uses this opportunity to try to be a tyrant and get away with whatever he wants, including talking to me like I'm dirt beneath him.
I miss the old me. The one that could let any man go. The one that broke up with him a month in over drama. Now I feel like an anxious mess, worried about losing some guy that has these stupid avoidant patterns and manipulates any and every situation if he can get away with it.
Is this bad right now? Yes. Has he done this before? Too many times to count. Will he regain his feelings and start love bombing me again? Who knows. I'm exhausted.