TLDR: my dad left me in the Las Vegas airport over an argument (which I tried to apologize for) and flew home while refusing to accept calls from me or anyone else, I didn’t have the info for the rental car or reservation for where we were going to stay so I decided to change my flight and go back home, wasting $1000 on the flight and two days of time. Would I be the asshole for demanding he pay for the ticket? He also makes significantly more money than I do.
Ok so for very necessary context me and my dad had been trying to plan a trip to Zion National Park and a few other places for almost two years now. A few months ago we finally did schedule it and bought tickets with mine being around $550. (I paid ~$200 with delta sky miles or whatever from a previously canceled trip which will come up later, also we live in separate states so the routes were different). Unfortunately we had to reschedule the flights a few times because of his work and due to increased fuel prices I had to pay an extra $200 to go this weekend. At some point I considered rescheduling again to get cheaper tickets but he had gotten non refundable or changeable ones (which also ended up turning the planned 5 day trip into a 3 day one). That was ok, we had everything planned out and were ready to go though.
Then my flight got delayed due to weather in Atlanta, and I had to arrive in Vegas the next day, not a big deal, we were going to arrive at midnight and now I’d arrive at about 10:00am. I told him this the night before and saw that he had read the message but he didn’t actually respond. Then the day of my arrival, despite him being able to get at least 8 hours of sleep (wouldn’t have been *too* difficult given that Vegas is 3 hours behind EST where we both live) he was still sleeping when I called and he only woke up after I got his girlfriend to call him, then he said he’d be at the airport from the hotel in 20 minutes. (Another note is that I have always hated schedule changes, I haven’t been *officially* diagnosed with anything but I have strong suspicions and that’s been a consistent issue I’ve had in my life regardless and he is aware of both and shares my suspicions since he works in psych).
Then it took him an hour instead and he still said it would be longer to get there due to traffic. I was trying to keep my temper but between the delay, him not setting an alarm, and us needing at least 3 more hours to get to Zion and unpack for the first hike (Zion is also an hour ahead of Vegas) it was looking like we’d have much less time to hike the first day when we were going to walk the emerald pools and west rim trails so I lost my temper. He evidently was in a bad mood himself and tried to say we weren’t going to have this conversation and I insisted on it, he then said he’d do us both a favor and hang up to which I replied we’d have the conversation regardless of whether it’s over the phone or in the car. He said I didn’t want to hear what he had to say in a macho tone to which I replied that I’d love to hear it. He then called me a “fucking spoiled brat” and I said something along the lines of “it’s ok for you to cuss me out but I’m not allowed to cuss you out” ( we had a similar argument in Houston where I cussed him out and he had issue with it, up until this point I was making a conscious effort not to cuss at him due to that). He said yes and in a moment of anger I told him not to even bother picking me up because I was going to get a plane ticket home and hung up.
Now *that* part I fully recognize and accept as being on me almost entirely. I was upset and said things I shouldn’t have, and if that’s where it ended then I would’ve apologized and we would’ve gone on with the trip. Which is what I tried to do after venting a bit to my mom, but he wouldn’t pick up. I tried calling for about five minutes but he still wouldn’t. I was getting a bit frantic so I called both his girlfriend and my aunt to try to call him. He wouldn’t talk at all to his girlfriend (I genuinely do not understand why as she is like the sweetest person I’ve met and is great at mediating things). It took a while for his sister to call me back but he basically wouldn’t talk to her either. 30 minutes pass and I hear from his girlfriend that he’s *in the airport trying to get a flight home himself* after that he wouldn’t talk to her further. I tried to get the airport to call him over the intercom to meet me because i didn’t know where he was other than in terminal 3 according to his girlfriend when I was in terminal 1 and couldn’t possibly find him but he still wouldn’t pick up.
Several hours passed and by 1:00 I decided to try to check how much a rental car would cost to have the trip alone as reluctant as I might’ve been to try in a city and area of the country I’ve never been to. Because I’m not 25 even the cheapest cost would’ve been $300 for 4 days, that alone is a good price but I’d also need to pay for gas, food, rental gear for the narrows trail, and a hotel since my dad wasn’t picking up and the original reservation wouldn’t apply unless he called and informed them that I’d still be coming. All in all it would’ve been at least $700 to stay and I work part time retail with less than $2k saved up, currently reduced hours since college is out and half of our customers are college students, and tuition for the fall coming up.
I decided to try and schedule a flight home. Even that cost me an extra $360 (probably only a bit more than the cost in food for me to stay the rest of the trip) and I would need to stay the night in the airport. I heard later from my aunt that the reservation at least would still be valid but I got a non refundable/changeable ticket myself for the rescheduled flight. All this happened last night, he is home, and I’m still waiting on my flight while he still has my number blocked.
The total cost for the ticket went up to a little over $1000, granted $200 was from a previously canceled flight. It’s worth noting that he also got an $11,000 payed leave for a month not long before this due to an ankle injury while I work part time retail and only make a little over that in an entire year currently. To be fairer to him, the ankle injury may have played a part since we were going to hike pretty rough trails even if it was healed to my knowledge (he also didn’t bring up any concerns over it to me), and he has significant anger issues due to how he grew up and his own trauma, but in my opinion neither is an excuse for me having to pay the ticket for a wasted trip that I could’ve spent working at the very least, how to handle how we both acted is a separate issue likely best suited for a family therapist. So would I be the asshole if I demanded that he pay me for it, and what amount would be okay?