It took 3 years (and a lifetime) but I got diagnosed last week
I just wanted to share here, because you've all helped me so much.
It's crazy because in 2023 I was in therapy (the latest installment, after 15+ years of trying everything under the sun), started unmasking there on advice from the therapists (without them suspecting neurodivergence at all) which lead to me burning out and massively skill regressing. So I had the classic post-diagnosis fallout before I even knew what was going on - it was a tough 18 months of figuring things out and recovery.
I really struggled working up the courage to ask for a referral, then with the form filling (oh, the form filling 😩), then got diagnosed with ADHD and started titration...
I was diagnosed autistic a few days ago and I didn't think it would affect me so strongly, but I've been crying every day since. I'm so relieved, so sad for my past selves. I'm also full of imposter syndrome.
When I burnt out, I was angry at people who said unmasking and embracing their neurodivergence made their lives better, because for a long time mine just got worse. I missed the version of myself that could be sociable, capable, and had worked hard to perfect the mask. Having that crumble completely crushed me. But I didn't know then that I was in burnout or that my coping mechanisms wouldn't work anymore. I had to start from scratch and accommodate myself in new ways, I couldn't be the masked me anymore (though at first I desperately tried, which made things worse).
Now, 3 years later, I sort of get it. Changing the way I live my life, being more "me" than I ever have, setting boundaries and making hard choices - even the huge amounts of loss along the way - I don't know, I feel like they finally published the prequel to my life and things make a bit more sense now, after a lifetime of wondering why it was all so hard and confusing. The hard stuff doesn't go away of course, but it's nice to finally "know".