TW mentions of suicidal thoughts.
So I have a dilemma and I could really use some help. I’m a long time reader but first time poster so let me know if this is on the wrong subreddit.
This post is about me and my best friend. We went to secondary school together and we‘re both now in different universities (college if ur American I guess) but we still keep in touch regularly and meet up on holidays. Sorry if this is a bit all over the place. This dilemma stemmed from a convo I had with a friend on the 28 April 2026!!!
So whenever I call my friends in general, I always listen to them talking about their lives which I have no problem with because whenever they ask me about mine is always the same answer ‘nothing new just uni’ which I know in comparison to all they just told me and in general is extremely boring. Since I’m lowkey insecure in all my friendships 😋 I try to ‘spice it up a bit’. I don’t make shit up about what’s going on in my life or anything, I just throw in the occasional random thought I had or a topic I was discussing with someone (rarely). Unfortunately this is how my dilemma occurred…
So I was on ft with my friend the other day and she was telling me about how uni was going for her and her revision etc for like 20/30 minutes and asking her questions about it and so on. Eventually she asked how I was doing and as per usual nothing interesting was going on in my life. Coincidentally, the night before I was having an ‘interesting’ convo with ChatGPT about sugar baby apps (don’t ask why, my brain confuses me too 😅) so I was about to tell her about it when I paused and debated airing this out. We have pretty wild and random conversations in our relationship so this wasn’t too crazy to bring up but something in my head told me not to(😭 I shld have listened…).
The problem was that knowing the person she is (she has very strong morals and she’s trying to be a better Christian/ get closer to god- which I whole heartedly support and am proud of her for how far she’s come) I kinda knew it wasn’t just something she’d laugh off.
She saw me hesitating and told me to spill sooo I did…
My stupid mouth decided to blurt out something like ‘so I was talking to chat about dating apps with rich older men’ 😫. She was confused. I quickly backtracked. I explained what I meant to say and intentionally ended with ‘I’m not going to actually do I tho’ 🫣 (but hey if it happened organically and a man 10 yrs older with a big fat wallet was interested… 👀). She replied with something along the lines of ‘so basically a sugar baby’ and I said yh.
Long story short we got into a pretty heated debate that escalated quickly. She had pretty strict rules in her head on what a sugar baby actually was and I disagreed because it was just not correct. An example was that she said you not still called a sugar baby if you end up falling in love with your partner and get into an ‘actual’ relationship.
The conversation went on for a long time and she’s a very intelligent woman so she was talking about a lot of smart shit that rly wasn’t needed. Something about me that endlessly frustrates me is that I find it hard to articulate my thoughts in an argument and this convo was even harder to follow. So most of the conversation was basically her just talking at me and me trying to follow. I ended up agreeing with things I didn’t mean to (for example at the end of a long philosophical rant she said ‘so basically you think a house wife of a rich man is a sugar baby’ and I said yes 🤦♀️).
So understandably I was pretty frustrated at this point but not mad at her. But then she started saying shit like ‘it’s really depressing you think like this’ ‘this is so sad’ ‘this actually makes me really sad’ etc. That’s when I got pissed. I said we’re just going to have to agree to disagree and that I had to go to the gym (which I did) so I said bye and cut the phone.
The reason this pissed me off is because: I felt like she was putting words in my mouth, she just wasn’t listening to my points, I felt like she looking down on me from some moral high ground and the whole convo just made me feel incompetent. Like I really don’t care that we disagreed because you’re always going to disagree with people but it’s that fact that I felt like she was being demeaning. I’m sure she wasn’t doing it in a malicious way but like just let me have my views!!! I feel like it’s a normal view to have and isn’t depressing or sad at all and some of it is just straight up facts😒.
Anyways my dilemma is that I’m really pissed at her for the way she was acting like it was a sin to think what I think and for making me feel so insecure but I don’t know how or if i should bring it up…
We’ve known each other for almost 10 years, we ft roughly twice a week and I love her to bits but I’m currently not calling her (she hasn’t called me either) and answer her texts with one word replies (…she was asking when my birthday was 😭). I don’t know if I should bring this up as I know she’s going through a lot of shit right now and that she’s low key suicidal so I know that telling her that she made me feel like shit would make her feel shit and just cause unnecessary pain. Is it selfish of me to want to tell her how she made me feel? The words she said in about my views are weighing heavily on my mind and making me feel like shit and I don’t think I’ll be able to communicate with her as usual for a while. Do I tell her or just bury it and move on?
Tl;dr: My friend said some stuff that made me feel insecure but she’s lowkey suicidal so I know that telling her how she made me feel would make her feel like shit and I’m wondering if I should tell her or not.
Any help is appreciate 🫠