Overwhelmed by uni and everything
I just want someone to talk to. Even though sometimes I feel like all I do is talk talk talk and it doesn't help anyways
I've been trying but stuff just keeps happening to me and I'm so easily overwhelmed by even the smallest thing that I feel like I can't fucking breath. The urge to hurt myself is coming back again. My fingers are itching with the urge to scratch my skin until I bleed. I just had a panic attack over this situation I'm having with a lecturer.
I want to take a semester off so fucking bad. But I don't think just taking a break is gonna fix me. I have a fuckton of underlying issues that make me all fucked up. Besides, technically I have it easy this semester because some of the classes are conducted online...but I'm still struggling. I know that if I just put my mind to it, I can catch up. I'm just so burnt out at this point and I don't want to feel like this anymore but it's so hard to actually put in the effort to get better
I'm already going to the psychiatric hospital and taking antidepressants. I'm already going to counselling. I'm already trying to help myself because that's what I'm supposed to do right? No one can help me until I help myself right? Cuz I have to do everything by my fucking self around here. But I feel like I'm walking around in the same maddening circles no matter what I do. I'm told all the things I already know over and over again by well-meaning people that are trying to help. I know I need to put in the effort but it feels like to do what I'm supposed to do I have to relearn how to be an entirely new human being because I don't know how to live any other way. Even though the way I've been living is destroying me from the inside out. I know I'm not supposed to hurt myself but it's so tempting and at this point it feels like I have to do something extreme to myself for everyone to give me a fucking break
Fuck everything