Getting ghosted after sex..
I (F22) genuinely need outside opinions because my brain is going in circles and I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if something actually changed between us.
So me and this guy (M24), let’s call him M, have known each other since middle school. We’re older now obviously, but this is someone I’ve known for over 10 years. We actually dated for around 5 years total, just split into different periods over time. The first proper relationship lasted about a year when we were younger, then after that it was very on and off. Nothing toxic, we just somehow always found our way back to each other.
Eventually we both got into separate serious relationships that lasted around 2 and a half years. Weirdly enough, both relationships ended around the same time. After that, me and him slowly started hanging out again. By around this time last year (2025), especially around my birthday in October, we were seeing each other constantly again — like 3–4 times a week.
The thing with me and M is that our friendship has always been stronger than our actual relationships. We never officially got back together because we both agreed we didn’t want to ruin the friendship, but we were still loyal to each other emotionally. We got VERY attached though, especially around October last year.
Around my birthday in October 2025 we had our first real argument ever after years of knowing each other. I cut him off for a bit, then we eventually started talking again, but it was never exactly the same after that. We still spoke every single day though.
Also important context: in all the years I’ve known him, the furthest we’d ever gone physically was kissing and one really awkward/funny oral experience years ago that we still laugh about to this day.
Now I need to explain M a little. He’s one of those guys that acts emotionally unavailable and tough, but I know him better than most people do. I knew him before he became like that. Whenever he gets scared of feelings or attachment he distances himself. He’s literally admitted that before. At the same time, he has a lot of options. Girls love him. He knows he’s attractive. So sometimes I genuinely cannot tell if he’s emotionally detached or just has a huge ego.
Fast forward to recently.
We hadn’t seen each other properly in almost 2 months. He planned a “2 man” — me and him, my sister and his friend. The problem was my sister was NOT feeling his friend at all, and M knew that.
We all started the night together watching movies, joking around, flirting, play fighting etc. Eventually me and M went into my room. At first we were just cuddling and making out. He took his jacket off saying he was hot even though it was freezing, so I jokingly matched his energy and took my pants off. He definitely liked what he saw.
While we were together he got a call from another friend, let’s call him J. M answered and basically explained that my sister wasn’t feeling the guy she was with. J then joked saying something like “sack him next time and bring me instead.” Me and M both agreed honestly that would’ve been a better match.
After the call, M texted the friend that was with my sister saying something along the lines of “yeah same with her sister, they’re both being dry, we’ll axe them after this.” But honestly I knew he was mainly trying to make his friend feel less rejected because he definitely wasn’t acting like I was being dry with him at all.
Anyway things escalated. We were making out, I was on his lap, shirts were off, tension everywhere. My sister then called me saying they were leaving the house for a bit and that we better be done by the time they got back. So suddenly we had about an hour alone.
This is where everything starts feeling weird to me.
At first he wasn’t hard at all, which confused me because he normally always is around me. He’s currently on steroids for the gym, so I asked if that was affecting him and he just awkwardly said “I don’t know.” Eventually after a while things got going and we ended up having sex for the first time ever after knowing each other for basically half our lives.
And honestly? The whole thing felt rushed and emotionally strange.
I don’t know if it was nerves, pressure, inexperience, the situation, or emotional avoidance, but it almost felt like he was mentally somewhere else at times even though physically he was obviously into me. We were going for around 30 minutes, then suddenly my sister started spam calling me because they were downstairs waiting for us to open the door.
I told her 5 minutes, and then M suddenly finished really quickly after that while my phone was literally vibrating nonstop beside us.
Afterwards there was basically no aftercare because we were rushing to get dressed and leave. He hugged me goodbye downstairs and left.
Then my sister came into my room and saw the condom wrapper sitting on my bedside table. She completely lost it at me which made everything feel 10 times worse because I never wanted anyone knowing this happened.
I texted M saying he left the wrapper there and my sister was going off. He apologized saying he was rushing and didn’t realize. I said it was fine. He heart reacted the message.
And since then? Nothing.
No message. No call. No “hey wyd.” Nothing for 4 days.
This is someone I haven’t gone a single day without speaking to in years.
So now my brain is spiraling wondering what changed.
Did he not enjoy it? Did I do something wrong? Was it awkward for him too? Did finally having sex ruin the mystery/chase? Is he distancing himself because he’s scared of getting attached again like he’s done before? Or does he think I regret it and wants space because I haven’t messaged first either? Or is it that he is busy? I can understand that that may be an issue but he doesn’t have 5 seconds out of his day to message me? When he has in the past.
The thing messing with me most is that before any of this happened, we literally had conversations saying we should never do anything that would make us too attached. He used to say “if you don’t get attached, I won’t.”
I don’t even think I’m attached romantically right now. I just feel confused and honestly kind of empty after it. Maybe because there was no emotional ending to the night at all — no talking, no comfort, no processing it together. Just rushing, stress, yelling downstairs, then silence.
And because I know him so well, part of me genuinely wonders if this is him emotionally shutting down because things became “too real.”
So I need honest opinions:
If you’re a guy or understand how guys think, what is he likely thinking right now after this situation? And should I text him first, or wait for him to reach out?