u/Hungry-Chance-11

I posted a video a few weeks ago of the treatment I’ve been receiving from the guy I was with. I emphasized that it’s just gotten gradually worse, especially since we had moved in together. I made him move out because he just felt physically threatening at that point and I felt really unsafe and to the point that I wanted to hurt myself because he made me feel like such a terrible person. I have been doing a lot better since I made him move out. However, we have remained in contact and seen each other a few times. He has been much better towards me since then compared to the last few years, especially the last 6 months. He has agreed to get therapy and to work to show me that his behavior has changed. That being said, we have already gone through a few cycles of what used to happen except they have not been as severe. I don’t expect change to be linear but I am having major anxiety about this and thinking even if he does change, will it be just enough to get me back? He has shown lots of remorse through words and actions. I just am going through waves of emotions and have days where I still struggle to get out of bed and function at a bare minimum level. I was a different person before him and I grieve that version of myself so much. I know this all stems from what I have gone through and the treatment and betrayals I’ve dealt with at his hands. I’m not even sure why I still want to keep doing this or if he’s even capable of changing or if I’m just being naïve. I’m suppose to go back into town tomorrow since I’ve been staying at my parents. That will put me much closer to him and I’m just having all sorts of anxiety and crying because I just don’t want to have to deal with what I have dealt with. Maybe this is because I’ve been emotionally manipulated and blamed for years, but I don’t know if I’m being dramatic for feeling this way. Sorry for the long post :/ I’m having a really hard day.