My wife died in 2013. I dated a little in the beginning but nothing ever came of it. I've basically spent the last 13 years alone never really connecting with someone until recently. I met her at work and I've developed a serious crush on her. I've already accepted that her and I will never happen because she's gay. However I've grown very fond of her and she's always been very sweet and kind to me. She asked for my number and we text from time to time. I like having her in my life.
She recently told me that she's looking for a new job and she's leaving no matter what. She works in the customer service department and the company hasn't been treating them very well lately so I get it. What I don't get is how this news has affected me. I am absolutely heart broken that she's leaving. I'm know we'll remain friends after she's gone but the idea of not seeing her every day has woken up feelings and emotions I haven't felt in a very long time, and honestly I don't like it.
I actually cried about it tonight and it's the reason I'm up at 230am. I haven't cried over someone since my wife died. My dad died in 2016 and I didn't even cry then, and I loved my dad.
I am genuinely heart broken over this. I know it seems a bit silly and maybe my overreaction is due to this being the first time feeling this in over a decade. I do have a fear that I may never see her again and I'm going to try my hardest to not let that happen. I just needed to rant a bit I guess.
I guess it's a good thing knowing I can feel this connection with someone again and that someone can make me feel these emotions again but I'd forgotten how much it can hurt too. Broken hearts suck.