u/Humble_Butterfly1279

Basically, everything is in the title. There's a lot of evidence pointing towards him having an affair, but I haven't seen anything solid as of yet.

I'll try to be brief, but here's the long and short of it:

- He had an affair with a female colleague about 3 years ago. I found flirty messages between the two of them and there was one occasion where he "missed the train" and when I picked him up he smelt of alcohol. I found out he'd actually been having drinks with this girl and that's why he was late home. I found out about the messages as I had a gut feeling something wasn't right and I checked his phone. I'm not proud of it, but also so glad I did snoop!

- It all came to an end when he told me he was heading into town for a work event. Turned out he'd booked a table for the two of them at a restaurant, followed by a cocktail bar. He'd also booked a hotel just around the corner. I confronted him before he left for this date and told him I knew there was no work event and that I knew he was seeing this woman. I also told him I'd seen his flirty messages with her. He carried on lying to my face until he realised that the evidence I had against him was incriminating and he admitted to everything. He told me the hotel was booked just for him and that there were no plans for them to stay together that night, but he must think I'm stupid if he thinks I believe that.

I agreed to stay and work on building trust back. I am now so annoyed at myself for doing that as you'll see in a moment... once a cheater, always a cheater right?!

Onto the new affair...

- I had the same gut feeling around January of this year. I started snooping on his phone again and saw a few messages between him and this new colleague of his. I could tell by the messages that were there that previous messages had been deleted. There was nothing flirty, but deleted messages already gave me a really bad feeling.

- This continued for a while (me seeing tiny fragments of conversations as he's deleting their messages). I decided to confront him about this, explaining how with the past affair this made me feel really suspicious. He said he'd been deleting the messages because they talk about work and he can't have work related messages on his phone. He has a work phone so I asked him why he doesn't use that for work messages and he said using his personal phone is just easier. The conversation was dropped then basically.

- Since then, he has been incredibly protective of his personal phone. I've not had much chance to look and see their messages. He uses instagram to message her occasionally, and I've managed to see a few of their messages on there using his laptop which is logged into his insta. But he's also deleting their messages there, so I only see little pieces.

- I managed to get onto his personal phone briefly today, so I went to see what he's been talking to this colleague about, only to find he's now password locked their messages...

- The messages I've seen between them on Instagram have not been flirty, but they're not work related messages so his excuse about that being why he's deleting them is clearly a lie.

- The other thing I know is that he's booked an Airbnb for a weekend when I'm away with work. He's not mentioned this booking at all to me, even when I've asked him what his plans are that weekend. The airbnb is booked for two guests and is a lovely place with a pool and tennis courts. Not somewhere I would imagine he'd be staying at on his own or with a male friend...

So! Do I confront him with the information I have or do I wait it out and catch him at the airbnb?
My worry about confronting him and questioning him is that every time I've done that, he's lied to my face and had an answer for everything. He will know he's deleted all the evidence, so I don't have enough leverage I don't think... I've been keeping screenshots of the little bits of messages I've seen, but like I said, they're not flirty or anything, so is it enough?

If I go to the airbnb to confront him, I plan to take a friend with me so I'd be safe. I really don't think it would get combative, he's really not that type of person at all. I think he'd probably just start crying and begging which is what he did last time I caught him.

I think it's pretty obvious I need to leave his ass, but I just don't know how to go about it. I'm UK based if that helps?

I have posted my story before, so if you're reading this and recognising a lot of the story, that's why. It's just last time, I had a lot of replied that would only really apply if we were US based, so I thought I'd try again.

Also, if anyone knows any other brilliant, sneaky ways to catch him. Let me know! I'm trying to work out a way to find out who the other airbnb guest is going to be staying with him. If it's the girl he's messaging/deleting messages, then it's another piece to the puzzle.

Thanks in advance for your help!! Determined to catch this weasel of a man!

I'll try to keep this as short as possible and just get straight to the facts.

About three years ago, I discovered that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a colleague. They were constantly texting and exchanging voice notes. I only ever saw fragments of their conversations because he regularly deleted the messages, but even those snippets were clearly flirty. From what I did see, it became obvious they were meeting up after work and going out for drinks together.

Everything came to a head when he told me he needed to stay overnight near his workplace because of a work event. He claimed there would be drinking, so he wouldn’t be able to drive home. It turned out there was no event at all. Instead, he had booked a table at a fancy restaurant for the two of them, followed by reservations at a cocktail bar. He had also booked a hotel nearby.

When I confronted him before he left for "the work event", he admitted that he had lied about the work event and acknowledged that he had crossed a line with his colleague. He said there were no intentions at all for the two of them to stay together in the hotel and he promises they had never been physical (kissing etc). I don't believe him if I'm honest, but I have no proof so had to take his word for it.

Things obviously hit rock bottom for us at that point and I told him I was going to leave him. He somehow talked me into staying and worked hard to rebuild my trust over the past few years. I feel like an idiot for staying now because we're right back at square one again.

Fast forward to now, he is now texting a different colleague and deleting their messages. I confronted him about it, explaining that with his past it doesn't look good. He said he was deleting their messages because theyre talking about work and he shouldn't have work related information on his phone.

This colleague was in his department when I confronted him, but now she isnt and he's still deleting their messages. He also chats with her on Instagram and deletes their messages there too.

About 2 days ago, I found out that he's booked a fancy Airbnb with a pool and spa facilities for 2 guests on a weekend when I am away with work. I asked him casually what he is planning to do that weekend while i'm away and he said he had no plans and wouldn't probably just go into work. He didn't mention the Airbnb booking at all or any plans to possibly go away that weekend. My gut is telling me that he's likely to be planning to go away with this colleague he's texting. I've never seen anything flirty in their conversations together, but he deletes their messages even more than he did with the last affair so it's quite possible that he's just better at hiding that evidence.

Basically, I dont know what to do. Obviously I need to leave, but it's how I get to doing it. I know I have more than enough evidence/reasons to leave him right now and dont need to catch him out, but I think for my own closure I want to find out exactly what is going on but I dont know how to.

I know if I confront him about it, he'll just lie to my face again as he has done time and time again. Is there a way I could catch him out? I just dont want to leave without knowing what is happening as I know I'll always be thinking "what if the booking was totally innocent?"

I dont really know what to do but would love some advice or support. Maybe we need to talk it out in marriage counseling or something? A place where he cant just lie his way out of it?