I honestly don't know where to start.
I'm married to the love of my life. I'm trans, ftm, and my wife is cis.
So at the beginning of our relationship we were both dating people but she had multiple connections that I had nothing to do with. No big deal, they were all cis men and I wasn't very interested because I have little experience.
We fell in love and she moved in with me, she broke up with 5 men for various reasons but almost all of her relationships were toxic or abusive. Anyways we got married, and are planning a baby.
So. Back when she was leaving her ex's there was a lot of dishonesty, telling me one thing and doing another, lying to me, and making decisions for me and asking for forgiveness later because she knew I'd always be there, I also understand abusive relationships and the damage they can do.
We talked a lot...but we're at a place where our life is progressing but our polyamory communication is not. She says she doesn't want to connect with cis men, but seems like she needs to hide it from me. She also keeps all of her connections a secret from me, still. Her girlfriend right now, I know nothing about because she isn't comfortable with me talking to her because she's afraid I'm going to go for her. I have never done this but she has a history with doing that with my relationships and she texts my boyfriend all the time, they're really close.
We've been together for over two years now and I must admit I have some trust issues with polyamory and I need more communication than before we got together to settle that "unknown danger" anxiety.
I'm wondering if other people have been in a similar situation and is it better to just, back up and let her do her thing? Or is it better to keep talking and asking for clarity?