My SO and I are moving in together this summer. His children (13f and 9m) will be moving in as well. We are all excited about it and he has been doing really well at listening to my concerns and great at taking steps to parent his kids in response to some of the issues I have raised. We both agree that he will be handling the parenting and discipline. My relationship with the SKs is going well and I genuinely like being around them.
One issue we are currently talking through is his kids being home on Fridays during the summer. During the prior summers, DH would have his kids Thursday nights and drop them off at BMs house then pick them up after he wraps up work on Fridays. I like the idea of them being able to be in our space together during his custody time and want them to feel comfortable and as if they have a home there. I also know that the back and forth causes some strain on SO and can see how much time he spends on transport weekly.
My current concern is that Fridays happen to be the only day during the week that I WFH and he tends to work from the office on Fridays and often has recurring meetings on Fridays about an hour or two from where we are going to be living.
I have a very long commute on other days (3-4 hours a day RT door to door). So, Fridays tend to be the day that I use to recover a bit even though I am working. I also recently started seeing a therapist who specializes in grief for those who have lost loved ones due to homicide. My ex-husband was murdered a few months ago (we had an amicable though sad divorce) and I am having to do a lot of emotional work to process this. I see this therapist weekly and Friday mornings were the only day he currently has a available (I had to wait for over three months to get off the list).
That said, Fridays are really hard for me because I have to emotionally crack myself open and often cry most of the session, then switch gears into work mode right after. The past few Fridays I have found myself just so emotionally drained the entire day because of this. I am only permitted to WFH 1/day a week (has to be Monday or Friday). I considered switching to WFH on Mondays but then I would have to take my therapy calls from work on Friday morning. This is not ideal because I have a work voice on during my calls and have a clear glass window in my office/people can hear me talking from outside.
I feel afraid that if the kids are home with me and without SO, I won't have the space I need to process my grief and get through the work day. The 13f is pretty self-sufficient and can keep herself entertained so I am not worried about her at all. She is really respectful of boundaries and we have a great relationship. The 9yo has AuADHD a little bit more energetic and loud. He also needs a bit more attention and working with him takes more energy than I am probably capable of during the workday.
I told SO about these concerns and part of him believes that I will not have to do much of anything while they are there except call 911 in case of an emergency. I disagree with this and half-jokingly told him that if that's the case the kids can call him and interrupt his workday if they want to ask for permission to eat a snack etc. We are both attorneys
He did offer to WFH on those Fridays as well (he has a lot more flexibility in WFH except for the in-person Friday meetings). BM is also off the entire summer because she is a teacher, so he said it is likely that the kids would rather be out and about with her during that time anyways.
Part of me feels a bit unreasonable in drawing the line here because we specifically chose a place to live that had an office so I had an office to WFH, but I also know that being the adult at home that day means I have a level of responsibility to them that I cannot simply turn off. I don't mind playing a supporting role in ways that we both agree to, but this feels like a day I would have to care for them during a work day. I am afraid that this will cause me to become resentful over time.
Curious to know if and whether you all have hard lines on having SKs around/not around if DH/SO is working/gone?