MILFH spent 20 years trying to destroy my marriage. Now she’s sent this fake "apology" letter to try and break No Contact.
I’ve been No Contact with my MILFH for years now, and recently received this handwritten letter by mail. Honestly, I’m not responding because I can see right through her BS...it's clear as day to me. I’ve been down this path with her before, and I know exactly what this is.
for context, years ago, she did something to cause massive drama for absolutely no reason, other than to get her narcissistic supply..a reaction. Afterwards, she asked for a sit-down "chat" on her porch, just the two of us, so we could "fix" things. I actually went. I sat there and told her everything she had done and exactly how it made me feel. Instead of an apology, she gaslit me terribly for an hour. She denied everything, claimed she "forgot" and "that didn't happen" or told me I was being "too sensitive." (I didn't even know what gaslighting was at the time). Then, the second she knew exactly what was bothering me, she used that info as a roadmap to do the exact same things 10x worse for the next few years until I finally had enough and cut her off for good! Things are so much better with her not in our lives.
Also, this monster has spent 20 years trying to sabotage my marriage and drive a wedge between my husband and me which almost caused a divorce.
I’m convinced she is a narcissistic sociopath.
I transcribed the letter below so you can see the "angel" act she puts on. Here is the "Apology" Letter she mails me:
"I hope this letter finds you in good spirits. Apologies for the old-fashioned letter, but I wanted the opportunity to write with a clear head & heart. I’ve been reflecting a bit lately as grandmothers often do, & I’ve realized that perhaps we haven’t been as close. I wanted to take a moment to extend my sincerest apologies for any hurt I may have caused you. I’m truly sorry, & I accept full responsibility for my actions. If you’re open to it, I’d appreciate the opportunity to discuss things with you so I can understand for the future & ensure I don’t make the same mistakes again.
Since meeting you, I’ve grown to love you as a daughter. I’ve always been proud of you & I wish you could see yourself through my eyes & understand just how amazing you are. I must say, you are doing a splendid job as a mother to *** and *** and as a wife to my dear son. It’s clear to see how much love & care you put into everything & it warms my heart to know that our family has you in it. Your kindness, strength & love for *** are so clear & it’s wonderful to see. You’re a fantastic mom & *** is an amazing Dad. The 2 of you make a beautiful team & it’s evident how much love & dedication you both have for your family.
My role in your & *** life is to love & respect you both as you navigate your lives together. I’m there to offer support whenever I can or whenever you ask, always with the best intentions.
Please accept my apologies once again. I’m committed to correcting my mistakes & doing better in the future. At this stage in my life, my greatest desire is to do what is best for my family ~ my 3 sons & their respective families. I love my sons, my daughters-in-law & my grandchildren dearly & I want to enjoy these years with you all in good health & happiness.
If you’re up for it, I would love to have a chat sometime about anything that might be on your mind. But, of course, if you’d rather not delve into things & simply move forward, thats perfectly alright too. The most important thing is that you feel loved & valued because you certainly are. I would love for us to start afresh, with no hard feelings lingering between us. Perhaps we could do something together, just the 2 of us, whether it’s a coffee & chat, a stroll in the park or anything else you may enjoy. My hope is that we can share more moments & create new memories.
Thank you for being such a wonderful part of our family! I do hope we can continue to build a warm & loving relationship as we move ahead together.
With all my love & best wishes"
Again, at this point, I’m convinced she is a narcissistic sociopath. She has spent years actively causing issues and trying to drive a wedge between my husband and me, it is truly disgusting.
Here is why I’m not falling for it again:
The Matriarch Power Play: The line "Thank you for being such a wonderful part of our family!" is what really caught my eye, and it’s chilling. She has used this phrasing before, and it’s always a power play. In her mind, she isn't just my MILFH; she thinks she is the "Head of State" for my marriage...MY FAMILY that my husband and I created. It’s her way of saying she owns the family and is graciously allowing me to be in it.
The Patronizing "Role" Definition: She actually writes that her "role" in our lives is to love and respect us while we "navigate our lives together." It is so incredibly condescending. My husband and I are grown adults; we don't need her to assign herself a "role" in our relationship or act like she’s the wise supervisor watching us "navigate" life. If anything, we don't want her near us!
The Audacity: How can you spend 20 years trying to cause problems after problems with your son his wife and then "thank" her for being part of the family? It’s a total, delusional rewrite of history.
The Weaponization of Vulnerability: That "porch chat" taught me that she only wants a heart-to-heart so she can find out where to twist the knife next. She always insists no one else be there while we "chat"...just her and me.
Zero Remorse: She can try to dismantle my marriage and cause issues all the time for two decades, then write a letter saying she has "the best intentions" without blinking an eye. She has no shame and no empathy.
The Smear Campaign: She plays the "sweet, misunderstood grandmother" while telling people horrific, defamatory lies to destroy my reputation. I’ve confronted her with proof, and she just denies it.
Calculated Manipulation: This letter isn't for me; it’s "ammo" for her to show the rest of the family that she’s the "victim" and I’m the "villain." But that's okay... because I no longer care what they think. Those who know her, know what she like.
Total Lack of Accountability: She says she "takes responsibility" in writing, but in person, she denies every single thing she’s ever done.
I’m staying 100% No Contact. I know that even a "leave me alone" text would be a win for her because it breaks the silence she hates so much. I didn't go into every horrific detail of the last 20 years here, but trust me, it was enough to justify walking away forever.
I'd love to hear from this community. Has anyone else dealt with a narcissist MILFH who uses fake "polite, apology" letters like this?
For those who broke No Contact after a letter like this, did it actually change anything for you or just start the cycle over?
...It’s honestly mentally draining and totally mind-boggling how she can do this after all the issues she has caused—and still tries to cause!! She is so desperate for a reaction that she’ll say and do anything to get one!!