u/HomeOk5082

I was recently diagnosed with HIV, it's probably not even been 6 days. Started my medication and I'm doing okay for now. Just wanted to know what are the things that changed for many of you poz people after getting the news? And how did u adjust yourself?

For me the most significant change is that I'm constantly worried about getting some infection or maybe accidentally infecting my parents. And honestly I'm scared to see my own blood right now.

Got my CD4 results today and it's not that good. It's just 218, I'm literally on the edge of getting AIDS. What should I do now? I started my meds yesterday. Seeing this number is really frightening me. I will have my viral load test 6 months later.

So finally I'm on meds starting today. One pill a day for my whole life, the good thing is that I'm already used to taking medicines daily. But adding one more on the list is definitely disheartening. The tests were somewhat okayish although my red cell count and red cell indices are a bit above and below the normal range and also the same with the liver tests. They said they will tell me my CD4 and Viral load count after six months, not now. Don't know why it's that way. I hope it gets better after taking the medicine.

But today while I was at the clinic i witnessed something significant. There was a mother with her son who also happens to be recently diagnosed positive; the son looked really lethargic compared to me and the mother was barely holding onto her emotions. They both didn't tell it to the father because he got diabetes and this news would definitely impact him negatively. Looking at them, i really got the flashbacks of when I was diagnosed with epilepsy and how it worried my parents and seeing all this today, i think I will never be able to tell the truth to my parents. I will be carrying this secret to my grave. I just hope they never find out and I have to be extra careful in hiding it especially my meds and the reports.

Another significant thing also did happen. I ran into a guy with whom I've had a history and turns out he's positive too and recently been diagnosed. But I've not been with him for the last 1 and half years but now I'm wondering if there is a possibility that I got it from him? He's married and his wife who happens to be pregnant will also get tested tomorrow. Seeing all this, i didn't want to throw any accusations especially when he also happens to not know he was positive. But I did feel a relief seeing him like that, I won't lie because at least now I've someone with whom I can openly talk about this condition personally.

So yeah this was my day in brief. Everyone is in grief around me and some are even in a worse place.

But I'm grateful for the fact that my diagnosis came not too late and taking my first pill today is definitely giving me some hope.

I'm feeling so depressed, especially today. I just can't understand why I am being punished this way. I've been on epilepsy medicines since I was 14yo and it's already a lifelong treatment and now this too. It already took so much time to feel positive about my epilepsy and I was able to do that probably because i got love and support from my parents, family and friends but now I can't even have that anymore. I was already struggling with my sexuality, my academics and now this. I feel like I cannot go through so much all at once. The only thing that's probably keeping me alive right now is that knowing I'm the only child of my parents and they'll need me when it's time and I cannot be this selfish to leave them, waste everything they poured into me, all their savings and energy and love and give them the pain anybody could ever bear.

I have never wanted anything bad for anyone so I don't understand why I am being punished so much by God. For the first time I feel totally defeated. I surrender yet I can't leave the battlefield. Is this even a life worth living?

After running some more tests, it turns out I got syphilis too. But at least this one's curable. Got the first shot today and will get another two more in the next two weeks.

The CD4 and Viral load results along with some other will be given tomorrow and also my ART medication will start from tomorrow.

Trying all my best to cope up with it, but when I was running from here and there from 9 in the morning till 3 in the noon all alone in the hospital and getting the most painful shot ever, I really wanted somebody to be there for me but I guess this condition will have to be fought alone, that's what I get for being careless. Thanks for your kind support though. It helped me a lot.

Don't know why I had this curiosity to do the sti test but I guess your subconscious mind knows more about you than you actually know. So I did my tests last Saturday and today, Monday 4 May 2026 it came out positive. I don't know what to do. I feel so numb and stupid and afraid. How did I mess up so bad. I'm just 23 and still have so many things to do in life, and now just feel helpless. I can't even cry out loud because I'm afraid someone might find out. How do I make things right again?