Everyone's stories helped me see a problem and pushed me to leave and get better
before learning about BPD I was at the lowest point in my life continuously caused by the same man on/off for the last 8 years. I never understood what relationship I had with him but nonetheless it always became completely destabilizing. Some point after I broke down crying in his bed asking why he kept doing things to hurt me (I had trouble functioning after weeks of splitting and being used as emotional regulation) his sibling let slip that one of his many therapists over the years discussed with him the possibility of BPD.
I stumbed across this subreddit while looking up resources for BPD thinking I could be helpful and act perfectly he would stop mistreating me. While reading through posts I saw what I was going through....for like years being discussed over and over. I finally had a name for what was going on, y'all helped me not feel so alone. After months of push/pull I realized that I didn't have to keep being bullied, degraded, and disrespected by someone who told me they loved me. I started going to therapy, addressed my own issues of why i kept going back, I enforced a hard boundary and have been 2 months mostly NC.
I'm making this post to say that just being able to read similar stories helped me feel seen at my lowest. i just wanted to thank everyone for being open with their struggles it helped me see i wasn't alone. Not everyday is easy but it gets better even when it feels like it can't, i hope everyone is able to get free as well.
(Whoever posted book recommendations for: "The body keeps the score" Bessel van der Kolk and "why does he do that" Lundy Bancroft, that was extremely helpful!)