u/Historical_Emotion43

So far this year, two very sweet, kind dads I know passed away at a tragically young age. One was a close friend of mine. They both were good dads who leave behind young children. For one of them, his kid was so young he will not even remember him.

Meanwhile, my narcissistic abusive dad, who was a shitty father and who is a totally non-present and useless grandfather, is totally okay in his old age. He contributes nothing to the world. And yet, the world has given him a pass to keep on going, for absolutely no reason, with absolutely no purpose.

This is just a rant but wow, there really is no justice in the world. I wish I could bring my friend back.

Hello- I have been doing Krav for a few months. Most of the people I train with have been doing it for ten or more years, and there’s a big experience gap between me and even the second least experienced person. The instructor does a good job of making me practice basic drills despite the mismatch in experience and skills in our group.

However, I find myself wishing we had a guidebook or cheat sheet for moves I should be learning and the timeframe for learning them.

I have Darren Levine’s book which is a helpful guide, but I’m wondering if there’s something shorter anybody knows of, more like a checklist or chart that would serve as an easy visual guide for what I should be focusing on as a beginner. Does anybody know if anything like this?

Thank you!

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

My biological father left my life when I was about 5 years old. I was "raised" by a malignant narcissistic and violent stepfather and enabler mother. I spent a lot of my childhood sad for my mom, praying that she would be able to escape my dad. I thought she was an innocent victim and, like me, was suffering due to something outside of her control (namely, my dad being in our lives and being violent and unstable to the point where we lived in fear).

We struggled financially due to the many failures of my loser of a dad, who couldn't bring himself to remain gainfully employed, even though it meant we were in constant fear of homelessness and lived in a tiny, miserable house. I was tormented not only at home, but also at school, partially because we were poor, and partially because I wasn't allowed to do anything outside of my house.

As an adult, I've realized my mother enabled my dad over and over again and continues to do so. She has (illegally) purchased him firearms (he's a convicted felon) so now their home is even less safe than it already was. She defends him when he fails to show up to major life events (think weddings) and says nothing when he shows no interest in his children or grandchildren. She becomes enraged if I or my siblings "show disrespect" by not sending him gifts on birthdays or father's day (he of course does NOT do the same for us). She focuses on how he "made sure we had a roof over our heads" and that we were fed and clothed (as if we otherwise did not deserve these things!)

This is a lot of background to get to the crux of the issue I struggle with. I have my own family now that I cherish and I try my best to be patient, kind, supportive and present. I read to my daughter for hours and hours every week (my dad never read to me once in my life, although my mom often did read to me). I spend hours every week at the playground with her. I am involved in preschool, extracurriculars, etc. I try to be a good role model by focusing on work, but prioritizing my family. I worked hard to build a good career and we are blessed to be financially well off, with a beautiful house in a wonderful town.

But sometimes I think- to the extent I'm a good father, where does this goodness come from? I don't know much about my biological father, but he totally exited my life when I was a kid. This is something I would NEVER do to my daughter. The dad who raised me was a total loser and failure and taught me literally nothing about being a good parent. My mom did try to be a good mom in some respects (she went all out for holidays to make us feel special in particular), but ultimately day in and day out she enabled and allowed my dad to torment us physically and emotionally, which is the biggest takeaway from childhood for us.

Maybe the answer is I live by negative example. I just do the opposite of what I saw as a child, and ended up in a good place. Or maybe I just genetically lucked out, inheriting genes that allowed me to have a positive, productive outlook on life despite the fact that I was not raised to be that way.

Is there any chance being tormented as a child somehow made me a better person? I really hope this isn't it.

Does anybody else struggle with this question?

I dread my narcissistic and abusive dad's birthday every year. I feel compelled to acknowledge it (through a call and/or gift) in order to protect my enabler mom from his outbursts. But he's a failure and loser who doesn't deserve anything, tormented me and my siblings as children, never acknowledges me or anything I've achieved in my life, and also doesn't care about my family or my beautiful daughter.

I guess I'll send him a nominal gift to keep the peace but WOW I hate this.

Can anybody relate?