u/HistoricalDowner

I (36 F) have been doing BJJ for 2 years now. I love it and I always enjoy it even though I suck (yay white belt!), am overweight, struggle with flexibility, and forget the fundamental skills we learn as soon as I learn them. It is a blast and something I treasure being able to do.

I played sports my whole life but I have suffered injuries and weight gain over the last few years that have slowed me down significantly. I was pretty consistent with attending BJJ the first few months but had a drop off last year and then, after I hurt my calf in my other hobby this summer, have been struggling to go back regularly. At most I've only been able to go a couple times a month if at all, and it's been very intermittent at best.

I am ashamed of my shortcomings and find reasons not to go. I struggle to get my head into training or retain information when I do train, and I am trying to build the discipline to go but haven't been able to get into it. Any advice?

TL;DR: I need advice on getting back into BJJ after injuries and what to do to counter the lack of discipline to just go train.

I (37F) am an introvert and very used to being on my own. I just started on dating apps after a breakup with my longterm situationship. I always feel that I come off better online than in person so apps seem like a good way to meet people.

I have started talking with a few men and they seem nice but I have heard of what horrors there can be regarding online dating so I am wary. One of the men (32M) that I matched with reached out and through our conversation over 1 day, we started sexting. It got hot and heavy fast and we've done it a couple times since. I think he's a cool guy but I don't know him. And immediately after sexting, I want nothing to do with him. I immediately turn back into my shy self who wants to just read and be on my own.

I enjoy the attention and affection but I am also not sure how to feel. We have shared a lot of opinions and thoughts already and seem to be building an emotional connection. But I think I just wanted an emotional release and now I'm not really interested in him or anyone else, or maybe I am afraid of taking a chance. I am almost ashamed I sexted him, I don't want to be even on the app anymore. What should I do?

Background: I never dated, never did anything with boys as a teen and always felt like an outsider, being a bit heavier albeit just built like a powerlifter instead of a soccer player will do that. When I was 22 and about to graduate college, I began a long term, long distance (due to work) monogamus situationship with an older guy (34M then, 50M now) from my college town who I had been friends with for 3 years. Throughout our relationship, I helped him with a lot of ordinary things in his life and he went through a variety of hardships. I did all I could, from money to support to changing my life to revolve around him and his needs. I stayed with him and we were together for almost 15 years, spending almost every weekend together and every ao often, full weeks in the same place. Over the last decade, I put on weight and struggled with depression. About three years ago, my ex and I stopped having sex because he kept rejecting any attmept on my part to initiate it, and he had shown no interest in restarting the physical part of our relationship when I became more self conscious about my body. Around the same time, I had changed jobs, taking a pay cut and no longer as available as I had been to him. About a year later, I began having suicidal thoughts but never did anything (I am fine and safe). I became withdrawn and struggled with the relationship. This past winter, my ex decided he was done and he left me. A month later, he took up with a work colleague who is younger, skinner, and prettier. They are very physically affectionate and he calls her his girlfriend, something he and I didn't publicly. We share a lot of friends and acquaintances so I have been unfortunately unable to avoid them.

I am sharing my background because I dont know how to date. I don't know how to do this. I feel untethered and in part ashamed of the sexting, yet also excited by the attention I get. I like being single because my past relationship allowed me to feel both the romantic relationship and the single life, but I also don't know how to feel. It's so new to me.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: I am mad at myself for jumping into sexting and going on dating apps but I don't know how to be single after a longtime situationship relationship ended unexpectedly. Advice?