Ugly woman with horrible social skills who can’t make friends or find love (i like my own gender only and women are superficial coming from a woman herself)
first impression is everything so wtf can i do if i look horrible and not know what to say? I need cosmetic surgery, nose job + filler after all that i might look barely alright, friendly & approachable, it will give me a confidence boost to socialize
What can someone whos diagnosed with clinical depression do at this point? starting to feel like i wanna end it, i failed at all aspects of life, (I’m currently doing horrible academically (senior year burnout), zero social life no friends at all abused by my family physically and molested as a child by a brother who also violently beats me years ago and my family did nothing and i still see his face everyday because we live in the same house he’s 10 years older, in his mid thirties ( don’t say call the cops they do nothing in Saudi for women its encouraged to beat women) “sharia law”, bullied throughout high school, also a really ugly woman, broke, poor mental health, behind in everything, wasted my life basically…
I’ll write details because above was summarized
academically struggling and failing behind in college, i got caught cheating from my phone during physics because i can no longer study due to my depression, i’m scared i’ll fail the course, many missing assignments and the year is almost over, i’ve been in college at the big age of 21/22 then now i’m days from 25 and still have a semester and 6 months of training til graduation probably gonna graduate at age 26 YIKESSSSS i wanna kill myself im so behind in LIFEEEEEE, also ever since i’ve been physically assaulted by my brother i felt like due to the head hitting i’ve been getting brain fog + my mental health declined which made studying hard and my grades became bad… also i gotta see his ugly face everyday with no justice and it was years ago at the beginning of uni but now he beats my older sister which still also affects my mental state
THEN social life 0 no friends no fun activities no nothing for years last time i was 18 when i had friends even back then they were fake friends but at least there was human interactions and laughs 2019-2020 after covid i have not formed ONE FRIENDSHIP none only two online friendships (absolute fucking loser) i have social anxiety a little bit and im a hideous woman,
my home life is so fucking bad living with toxic abusive family (main source of my depression since i was 12) Important context i’m from Saudi (most dehumanizing country to live in as a queer woman) What should i do? Force myself to like men and force myself to marry a Saudi misogynistic man (they are very sexist and violent barbaric men because the religion and culture influences them) marry a man that will beat me and make me have his children while having no rights or protection and continuing the cycle of abuse that i saw all the families here have? Fuck no….I’m at rockbottom, theres nothing but suffering and failure and abuse,
the thing is I genuinely think i deserve a better life i need to feel better about myself and life, my dreams are fixing my looks with cosmetic treatments and surgery> i’ll feel confident and less anxious around humans> gain friendships > graduate and get a job> save up money> move to Canada/ Australia permanently as a refugee and start a life there (wont be easy) but i can’t live in this shithole of a country with shitty family anymore… idk I NEED HELP,
Thinking about the future; moving away to a whole new continent alone while starting from zero and never seeing my family again (they might come after me to kill me…because honor killing is a thing and i have a violent psychotic sexist brother) but moving far away and starting from zero is extremely hard for someone who’s severely depressed, i wish i was never born…