Hi everyone,
I (23M) have been with my gf (23F) on and off since we were 15 & 16.
We've been living together for about a year now.
Rn I'm losing my mind, because I was so ready to finally leave her, but now she's acting like the perfect woman. I have no idea if this is just hoovering?
In public she's such a sweet and loving person. She's really charming and empathetic, sometimes a little bit shy.
Behind closed doors it's like her body contains 2 different personalities.
Sometimes she's being the best partner you can ever imagine, caring, listening and supportive about many things in my life.
And the other times she's aggressive, insulting and controlling.
There are many things that happened during the long relationship, I wanted to list up some of em:
-She scratched me many times during fights, leaving many scars accross my body (mostly nails, 2-3 times with scissors)
-Once she sat at the edge of my bed holding a knife and calmly explaining how she was going to kill me once I feel asleep
-Once after a fight I decided to sleep on the floor of another room in our apartment, I also locked the door by stacking many books under the door handle (because I was kinda scared that she would do something to me when I'm asleep). The next morning she literally busted the door and the door-frame, because she wanted to enter the room
There were also many recurring "patterns":
-She used to break up with me multiple times a week... most of the time I tried to get her back by begging her
-She always tells me how lazy I am, not doing any household work and not doing enough to entertain her via dates or other activities
-She demands gifts and when I refuse to pay for stuff, she says I'm not a real man and I should get myself a man if I didn't want to pay
-During fights she can't let it be without a big escalation, everytime I try to leave the situation, for example I leave the room and go to the office and tell her to leave me alone, she follows me and provokes me by telling me she's gonna shut off the electricity (so I can't be on my PC) or irritating me until I show a big enough reaction
-After fights we somehow always end up being intimate even though I should be angry or hurt
Of course there are many other things. To be honest, even though the situations sound quite extreme, I've become kinda numb over time and don't see it as bad as it may be. Most of the time I just endure the dramas and wait for her to turn sweet again.
And every time I tried to leave for good she pulled me back in. During our longest break she even started to stalk me. And I always fell for promises again.
A week ago, it was her birthday and she had such a disrespectful behavior that I decided I want to leave this relationship. I told her I'm done a few days ago, for real this time.
And now?
She's doing everything she can do. She's being extremely affectionate and sweet. She's also so sad and cries every day telling me how I am her dream-husband and she's gonna change and prove it to me. She also offers many intimate things to me and always wants to hug me. She even offered to pay next month's rent so I can "give her one more month to prove she's changed". She also offered to sign the apartment termination notice herself so I could send it at any point if things don't work out.
I'm really confused at this point. I'm really trying to convince myself that this can't be real.
She sounds so damn genuine and honest, telling me it's gonna work out. She's even reflecting and naming the things that went wrong.
Part of me really wants to believe her. History showed that nothing actually changes.
Am I delusional and trapped in a cycle?
I was so sure about leaving this time. Now I'm hesitating again.
Has anyone been through something similar? What should I do?
I really don't want to waste another month, but I'm scared that I might regret my decision.
I was reflecting on my behavior as well and I also made mistakes, what if I'm not better than her after all?