My (64F) aunt has always struggled with her mental health. For as long as I have known her she has been unstable, unable to maintain any long term relationships outside of family members, has always struggled to keep a job, and constantly complains about how she is "fighting the good fight against hypocrites". All of this has always led her to financial ruin (2x bankruptcy). As toxic as all this behavior is, we have all tried to give her grace over the years, knowing she was mentally ill.
However, this has reached a boiling point as my grandmother (87F), has recently reached the point where she requires near 24/7 care as she has repeatedly fallen at home and has been stranded for 12+ on the floor, unable to get up. As a result, we have had a family friend come in to be her caretaker. As part of the arrangement, she is paid and has a bedroom in the house where she sleeps, to shorten the commute to her day job.
Months went by without any significant incident with the caretakers. My aunt started her normal cycle of gossiping about the caretaker as she normally does with everyone, and we gave her a stern warning to stop, as the most important thing is that my grandmother is cared for. However things have rapidly changed, as the family friend / caretaker recently bought a new car.
This has for some reason triggered my aunt so severely that now she comes to my grandmothers home to make up stories and defame the caretaker in an attempt to get my grandmother to fire her. My grandma was not onboard, and so my aunt screamed at the caretaker telling her to never come back on weekends, and that instead she would take care of my grandmother, and that she should get paid instead... All of the immediate family told her that this was unacceptable but she relented that she would be a better caretaker.
As expected, she did not hold up her end of the bargain, and instead decided to spend her days with my grandmother telling her about how the caretaker was out to get her, and that the rest of the family did not care about her like she does, and that all her children and grandchildren were out to get her money. This includes such gems as:
* Claiming the caretaker's "p-word was getting wet" while showering her
* Claiming that the caretaker's son would have sex with her mother in the bedroom while she was sleeping
* Claiming that my aunt was stealing from her (my aunt is a multi-millionaire)
* Claiming that my cousins and I were fighting over who gets money when she dies (this has never once been discussed)
* Claiming that my female cousin has been hosting "gang bangs" in her house
* Claiming that my cousin verbally abused her (He told her to stop screaming when she told my grandma to die because she peed on the toilet seat)
After 1 weekend of playing "caretaker" my aunt decided to not come over until 1PM on a weekend which led my grandmother to try and shower after soiling herself, and falling in the shower. She was alone for 8+ hours and water flooded her bedroom. She spent a subsequent month in a rehab facility.
After all of this, we asked the original caretaker to come back, and this has led her to spiral further. She now has begun calling random extended family members telling her tall tales, saying that we are all narcissists, and that she is the victim of long-term abuse. Most of these are people she has not spoken to in years, however now that word has spread, we are all getting calls from these people shaming us.
She has now also mentioned that she wants to contact our jobs so that people know we are all bullies. Generally I would say she is not credible, but I think she is unhinged enough that she is at the point where she may act on it.
I am not sure if all of the above constitutes textbook elder abuse, but I am in the process of getting a lawyer to help. I want a restraining order, but honestly I think they may need to be 5150'd the way she is behaving. Has anyone else navigated something like this?
TL;DR Mentally unwell aunt is verbally abusing my 87 year old grandmother and her caretaker, and now plans to contact the employers of all immediate family members; Need restraining order