Has anyone else developed a fear/disgust response toward intimacy after a relationship?
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[M21] just want a way out of this. After getting over my first relationship and all the obsessive ex stuff that came after it, I thought I was finally ready to date normally again. Got on Hinge, met people, talked to a bunch of women, went on dates, all that.
But I noticed a pattern. The second things start getting emotionally or physically intimate, I feel this really strong discomfort. Not just nervousness, almost disgust or panic. Like my body wants to pull away immediately.
I think it goes back to my first relationship.
We were both in college, both just turned 18, constantly buried under assignments and stress. I was trying really hard to stay at the top of my class, helping her with work too sometimes, and we honestly didn’t have much freedom or money to properly go out. So most of our time together privately was usually just eating 3 meals together, talking, occasionally making out, like (3 times a week max) then getting back to work. Same thing for a year constantly.
The thing is, I genuinely loved her. She was the only girl I cared about back then.
But near the end of the relationship, during an argument, she told me she felt like I only wanted her for her body and that she felt "like a s↑ut" “used.” That honestly broke something in me because it wasn’t true at all.
Ever since then, intimacy just feels... wrong in my head. Even small things sometimes trigger this weird recoil feeling in me. It’s like my brain automatically connects intimacy with guilt or hurting someone without realizing it. Yk,i feel like wanting to puke when someone shows any kind of intimacy. Like they would attack me the very moment i give in use it against me.
And I’m not making this post to blame my ex or act like I’m some perfect guy looking for sympathy. I know people say hurtful things when relationships are falling apart. I just want to know how to move past this because I genuinely miss the idea of feeling close to someone without fear or disgust attached to it.
I want to be able to love someone properly, feel loved, communicate, put effort into a relationship, all of that, without feeling like I need to emotionally run away the second things become intimate.
I’ve tried talking to friends about it, but most of the responses are just “yeah bro I get it,” and that’s kinda it.
So yeah, has anyone else dealt with this? Did it eventually get better? What actually helped?