My husband (34M) and I (42F) married in 2020 just as COVID was really kicking off. That year hit us hard, as it did so many others. The Pandemic created massive conflict and tension in his family as half of them were immunocompromised and the other half were against masks, quarantine, and vaccines. (Please no segues into discussion about that). He then had multiple job changes, we had two children, and both his Mom and my Dad suffered strokes and other serious health crises.
In 2025 we found ourselves in survival mode. I was earning most of the income, while he was in a job that was not paying enough or consistently and refusing to find a different one. He was aware of the burden this was putting on me, but saw himself as unable to do anything about it. (Lots of PTSD, anxiety, depression and was strugging to get therapy due to the constantly changing insurance).
In November of 2025, I discovered inappropriate messages between himself and Other Woman 1. She had sent him increasingly erotic pictures and he had responded with fire emojis, etc, but never made an effort to dissuade her. At one point he had messaged her "good morning, beautiful." And she responded with a nude. I confronted him immediately and he seemed genuinely confused. It actually took a day for him to fully realize that this was a betrayal. He ended their friendship and sent me a screen shot as proof. We had many long conversations in the months that followed and were almost past it when I discovered Other Woman 2.
He has not exchanged sexual pictures and does not appear to have had any physical contact with Other Woman 2. They were old friends from college and, according to him, have texted off and on for years, and have always used terms of endearment and heart emojis in their communication with each other. The content of their texts was not sexual, but they constantly referred to each other as if they were dating. "That's a great idea, I love you so much." "Hey sexy, you feeling better?" That type of thing. I texted her myself and told her that his marriage is in jeopardy already and that if she cares about him, she will correct this behavior asap. She responded with apology and later texted him that I was nicer to her than the situation called for. In their texts since then, they have been perfectly appropriate. (At least, the ones he hasn't deleted.)
His story for both of these relationships, is that Other Woman 1 started sending him unsolicited nudes, and it stroked his ego more than anything else, so he started complimenting her at random, hoping for more. His story for Other Woman 2 is that they've just always interacted that way, so it never occured to him that was not appropriate for someone in a closed marriage. He claims that he didn't fully realize what he was doing and yet also claims he took steps to hide these women from me. He's admitted to telling me he was texting a male friend when he was texting one of these individuals. He has deleted entire conversations with them from time to time in case I happened to find them.
I'm at a loss. I have him sleeping on the couch, he is not allowed to touch me, use terms of endearments, or say "I love you", until he can figure out how to stop lying to me. He seems truly remorseful and states he feels lucky to be sleeping on the couch instead of being kicked out. He is on his best behavior and I can check his phone any time and haven't found anything suspicious since the last discovery. But this man has proven that he can look me in my eyes and lie to me without a second thought, and that's close to being a deal breaker for me. Some days I think we can just move on. Other days I think we can never be the same. He didn't sleep with them. He did not have a physical affair, but an emotional one. Am I overreacting? Someone put this into perspective, please.