u/Hefty_Friendship_161

I (30s F) am a wheelchair user and hire my personal assistants (PA) through a model where I am their legal employer. My current PA (50s F) has been with me for a while. She is a very high-energy extrovert and constantly tells me how much she "loves her job" and that I am like a "best friend" to her.

The problem is, this "friendship" only exists when she is getting paid.

Here are a few examples of why I’m feeling conflicted:

• The "Paid Friend" vibe: We have deep, hours-long emotional conversations while she’s working. She says she "never wants to leave" at the end of her shift. However, she has made it clear she never wants to see me or hang out during her free time.
• The Concert Incident: We went to a concert together. I told her I didn't actually need physical assistance there and wanted her to come as a friend. She assumed it was working hours (getting paid) and I didn't correct her because I was afraid she wouldn't come otherwise. It felt like I was "buying" a friend.
• Professional boundaries: She refuses to take legal holidays from her other clients because she claims she "can't be away from them," which I find alarming and unprofessional. It makes me feel like I’m responsible for her emotional well-being.
• The "Hero" Gesture: I’m planning a trip to Japan. It will be physically exhausting. She offered to come "for free" (no salary) if I can't get enough funding for extra hours. While it sounds "nice," it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I need a professional assistant in Japan, not a "martyr" friend I'll be indebted to.
• One-way support: She loves to hear about my life and my cat, but she has never once offered to help with something stressful (like a vet visit) outside of her paid hours, even though she claims we are so close.

I’ve reached a point where her warmth feels draining and performative. I want to tell her that we need to stop the "best friend" talk and keep it strictly professional, as the mixed signals are hurting my mental health.

AITA for wanting to "demote" our friendship back to a strictly boss-employee relationship?