u/HeftyPudding6491

We are both 43, married for close to 9 years, together for 11. We have a 5 year old together, in addition to my step kids that are 20 and 16. When we met, I was a heavy smoker and drinker. I no longer am either, having just an occasional drink or two, and maybe getting actually intoxicated 3-4 times a year. Smoking I moved to vaping before our wedding, and have been off and on again with that. I have quit multiple times, but the issue is I never truly wanted to, I was doing it for her. With this, and I won this part completely, when life gets stressful I revert back to that habit. I also own the fact that I keep it from my wife because I avoid conflict and am a people pleaser. I have lied about this in the past, but this time when she asked if I was vaping, which she will just ask occasionally, probably from suspicion, I was honest and told her I was. I detailed the frequency, which I am not the type to take extra breaks at work, or anything like that. I primarily will do it during transit to and from work, or any trips to the store, etc...just times where I am alone. Never in front of kids or anything like that because I don't want to set a bad example. I totally understand her being upset about this, and I set myself up for this by not being honest about this in the past, as well as not being up front enough to say I already went away from smoking and improved many aspects of my life to improve my health and our relationship, but this is something that helps me to relax. We have a noisy house with 3 dogs, and I have a hard time with over-stimulation. The vaping, although unhealthy, helps me to relax. Each cartridge lasts me about 4 days to give an example of my usage amounts. I have tried to explain this last time it was an argument, and then proceeded to quit again to make her happy. I feel like this cycle of me not saying I can have some things she isn't ok with, because I am a good father, and husband, who lives his life around doing as much as I can for the betterment of our family. I don't ask her to change things in nearly the same regard as she asks me to, and although I make more money, I have less to spend because I pay beyond my fair share of the bills, we keep split finances and always have. Anyways, that is a lot of background, after last night's brief discussion she went cold shoulder on me, hiding under the blanket in bed. I said something about it, and that I thought it was childish to hide under the blanket, largely because I was talking to her about our daughter, and she refused to respond. She said she can't trust me about anything, and she hates me right now. I can understand being mad, I kept something from her that she doesn't approve of, get it, I am in the wrong there 100%. I also feel like I have given in too much, and that this is creating these issues instead of being honest about my intentions and standing up for what I want whether it be healthy or not, it is not immoral and doesn't make me a bad person. However, her saying she hates me put me in a different place, those words to me do not belong in a marriage. I went to stay in a hotel, but with their prices, went back home and stayed in our basement last night. I made sure my daughter was tucked in and knew where to find me, and gave her a kiss good night. I dont really know what I am expecting of this post, as I am in the wrong for this, but I also feel like it is a bit much. Maybe some tough criticism from the reddit world is what I need to open my eyes or perhaps there is something I am missing? What say you Reddit world?