Im feeling very frustrated because i feel like every single person just makes interactions the hardest thing ever. Im the most midwestern person ever, done 6 years straight of just customer service and been GREAT at it. This year it seems like theres so much tension everywhere. My roommate for example (i have multiple but one specifically really gets me), known each other for 3 years and ive always been the "funny" friend, ive always been taken unseriously and only been invited around because i got jokes. This year, if i make a stupid joke to try and relieve the 62 pounds of tension in the air she will take it literally (which is almost 100% so clearly not literal) and say something that makes me seem weird like "oh well that wouldnt be good" or "why would that even happen" and its been frustrating. We ended up having a roommate meeting where she told me how horrible i make her feel when she "doesnt get my joke" but its like youre doing this on purpose. And its not like the jokes going over her head every once and awhile and im being a dick, its every single time and multiple times in a row and i always just say "im just joking" in a funny way after she "doesnt get it". Another thing with SO MANY PEOPLE (im a college student and i also work) is the challenging. I am the first person to embarrass myself in order to make everyone comfortable, i hate awkward situations, and i think everyone deserves to enjoy their time as much as possible. Recently if i say well, anything there is always a "well." I could say how stressed out i am about school and there will be "well why dont you just set aside time to.." like umm yes i am? Like obviously im doing that, im an adult? Or theyll say "just do this" and roll their eyes as if im an idiot and they just solved my problems but its a solution that doesnt work for me at all or i simply already stated i dont want to do that. Yesterday i said "ive had like 6 naps today already" and TWO different people asked for the specific times i woke up and went to sleep (AITA or is that weird an crazy? Im obviously not being serious, and even if i was why do you care) and then when i said i wake up super early so i had extra time for extra naps with a forced chuckle to try and get through the horrible awkwardness as they stared me down waiting for the answer, they told me i cant count naps before noon. I said "okay yes you win i only took 4 naps but ill be working on my 5th here soon" and then they got all like weird and looked at each other. Not even 10 minutes later, i was talking to somebody else and she had like the rattiest hair ever and said she didnt feel like it today and so i said something about "oh yeah i also hate brushing my hair" and one of the people from the nap convo recalled 6 weeks ago when i said i love to brush my hair because i got a new comb. Like🫥 and then i didnt know what to say so me and the hair girl just looked at the nap girl. Cause im sorry but i can only handle soo much and when its like my bosses, coworkers, friends, and roommates... im just constantly at the over it level and have no patience. Its also for me, like how are you not finding this excruciating??? Way to make the entire work meeting horrible and awkward.
u/HeftyAd5710
The only things i know about therapy are from movies. Therapy has always been something out of reach, i cant afford like anything and when i was a kid there was no way therapy was on my guardians mind. The issue is, im at a point where im aware that i need help. My issues are affecting my relationships and im to a point where if i dont get help, i dont know. Heres my question: how do i look for a therapist? And what exactly am i supposed to look for? Or say? My roommate (im in college) went to therapy and told me the lady asked him questions and said he needed to go to somebody else who is qualified in something that he didnt align with. That made me nervous because i didnt realize that you had to go to certain people for certain things. I have 21 years of things that have affected me in so many different ways, idk how im supposed to decide which "special" is the one im supposed to go to or which issue is more important. And idk how im supposed to explain things or make conversation. Like i go in and start from the beginning? I just dont get it. Ive also never talked to someone about like majority of things, when i think about having to explain something i feel like a horrible feeling in my stomach and i could literally cry. I thought the fact i acted so strong and like none of that affected me was the important part, but i dont like knowing its shaped me into a person that i dont know or like. And i feel embarrassed that the people around me are affected.