Suddenly everything bad
Trying to keep it short. Husband 36, Me 42. No kids because I didn’t want and he didn’t care about it. Married 5.5 together 8.5.
husband made huge promises to upskill when I said I don’t want to marry an unambitious guy. 5 yeas, 100 fights no change. We have no generational wealth and depend on jobs but he is not sincere. I have tried talking to him about everything in every way but I have realized very clearly that he severely lacks emotional intelligence and ambition.
if he is at home he will be looking at a screen. either laptop, or tv, or phone. sometimes more than one at a time. If I force him to do some cooking by himself some time then also he will be watching some series with airpods on. It’s disgusting. two months ago 25 people from his small company got fired, again topic of upskilling came up, again fake promises. then few weeks ago I found him watching tv AND playing game on mobile. It was extremely disgusting, I cried a lot in secret without saying anything to him, that moment I lost all my respect for him. I read books, create art or learning a language in my free time.
his habits of avoiding shower, not sticking to any routine, never working out, not honoring his own words, not looking at work calendar and missing or being late to meetings, not planning anything, no passion in life except weekend table tennis with few friends etc have been very off putting recently. I asked to call his mom for Mother’s Day so he did, I forgot to say call mine also so he didn’t. When I reminded then he did. So at times behaves robotically and zero proactiveness. Doesn’t care about things that men care, cleaning the drains, fixing/installing things- house things.
he got some disease that has created a bend in his oenis lately and before that also not sustaining erection, etc caused a roadblock in sex life. Losing respect for him isn’t helping my either. Before these issues he also used to be lazy and wanted to have sex during wfh office hours and I don’t like it because my mind isn’t at peace knowing I am wfh. I preferred post dinner but he would turn off tv too late to have energy for sex and working day next day.
lastly he didn’t get me anything on my bday despite me writing on text clearly “don’t spend too much money, but I like to hold gift in my hands so may be a book, or a dress or a massage coupon, or a wallet as mine is worn out.” didn’t get anything and said I asked you to come to mall with me you didn’t come. My whole point was him to pick it for me, not just tap a card. I also earn, I can tap my card. Lack of effort. Been 12 days of bday no gift. Laid back attitude in life. I am getting so sick of it.
Believe me when I say he doesn’t register things and doesn’t process them. Completely unaware of any clues if I drop. Can’t connect A to B. If I force him into hearing me and there is a big scene he tries to put on a show of change that doesn’t last for more than 48 hours. Then back to how he is and like nothing happened.
After the worst scene of our whole life together, after my bday ended..after I had a horrible breakdown (it was an outburst) where my friend (woman) had to be on call for 1 hour where I was only crying, he was sitting right there and shortly after he said may be a kid would fix it. His nonchalance shocks me. Recently he gave our luggage to a souvenir shop without any receipt at all. When I panic he is totally chilled. Never cares and I have to take double stress.
He tried to just hug me and then like everything should instantly go back to normal (at least until few weeks ago until I had not seen him playing game AND watching movie). In past I have always given in and then it goes back to normal and he never ever mentions anything again, never brings up any topic that we should address. He is very happy to move past it and literally forget.
Good things: breakfast is his thing. does most of grocery shopping - but I need to plan what to buy and cook.
TLDR; screen obsessed husband, zero emotional intelligence, laid back attitude shows in all aspects of life, sex stopped, no thinking abt house needs, lazy and lives on autopilot.. I feel ick and out of love, he wants to fix by pretending all is normal. No kids.
How do I live with this, erase the ick without him doing anything at all?