Sorry if this is long, I just need to know if anyone else has gone through this.
Me and my children’s father who I highly suspect is a narcissist (I know he is) have been together for about 8 years and we have two kids, 5 and 2. Both the kids were planned. It seems after I had my first, my son, he thought parenting was way to much and became an awful partner to me and truly wasn’t a good father either. He may have been in the house but he wasn’t present. I plan out every holiday. I get their presents every birthday every Christmas. I’m the one that gets them ready for school. I’m the one that cooks dinner that baths them at night. I handle everything! I have left the house so many times with my kids because I didn’t even feel comfortable in our own shared home because his temper for them is so short, because he “needs a break”. Im the one who would have them all day and night while he went straight from work to the bar until 2 am. Then he’d not get out of bed the next day because he was hungover. When I was 2 months postpartum with my second baby he left us alone for like two weeks straight. He wouldn’t come home, he spent every day at the bar after work and never came home until the middle of the night he wouldn’t even answer the phone, or get formula from the store or anything the baby needed, so I’d have to drag both kids out and do it myself. I was completely abandoned and honestly traumatized. I work Saturdays and sometimes he is the one to watch them. He complains about how hard it is and that I need to get home, so much so that I had to take Saturdays off my schedule and reduce my work hours. now why did I have a second baby? He did get better when our son was about two and out of the baby stage. He swore he’d do better with our second child. Last Valentine’s Day, he was in the mental hospital because he tried to hurt himself this Valentine’s Day. He had such an attitude issue. He threw out what I got the kids and left for the day so I treated the kids to their Valentine’s Day dinner just like I did the year before I feel like a single parent and honestly I got used to it. I would rather do it alone than have him there making things worse. I hate the weekends because I hate when he’s home and if you ask why we stay together it’s because I financially can’t afford to leave. I’m young and I made bad choices by having children with him. I don’t regret the kids, but I do regret who I chose as their father anyways I don’t think he really cares for our two-year-old that much and that might sound harsh, but he doesn’t ever plan to do anything with her if anything he always wants her out of the house with either me watching her or my mom watching her because he suddenly only wants to hang out with the five-year-old the five-year-old and I are very very close and it seems like all of a sudden every day it’s like we’re gonna go do this in this by ourselves. We’re gonna do this. I’m never included and he is always trying to one up me. I tell him no candy. He goes to the store and buys him candy. He wants to be the fun parent if I discipline him, he’ll be like I know I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you can’t do that. I would let you. I try not to argue in front the kids but I literally CANT bite my tongue! And he thinks I’m wrong and says is it wrong that I want to bond with my son? Well wha about our daughter? What about the fact that you are so sick that you are trying to turn this into some love match competition? He calls me jealous and I am jealous. It’s not that I don’t want my son to have a father in his life but I did this alone for YEARS and I’m afraid he’s going to try and ruin our bond. It just is sick to me. I hate narcissists.