u/HeatOk5590

He was awful to me, psychologically and physically abusive and still he was the one to breakup with me. I was so tired that I said ,if that’s what you want then okay’

After 2 or 3 days when he understood this time I won’t be begging him to stay he started panicking and told me that he didn’t mean it, that he’s just struggling. I kept telling him that it doesn’t matter and we’re broken up and he needs to move out. He still lived with me for a month, kept begging me, giving me flowers and gifts. The day before he moved out he went through my stuff and found out I’ve been talking to a guy that I met online. I’m not proud of it but the last months of the relationship were a struggle and honestly I needed the validation. His last message to me was ‘Fake and cowardly up until the very end. Everyone was right about you’. Honestly the first weeks after he moved out I felt pretty good, I went on vacation with my dad, I felt my spark coming back. He messaged me about 2,5 months after moving out, saying that he’s sorry for all he did, but he wishes I would’ve communicated more and that he won’t message me again but he regrets it ended like that. It’s a little over 4 months since the breakup and 3 months since he moved out. I filed for divorce around 2 months ago. Lately it’s been harder, I think of him all the time and miss him, crying almost daily, my whole therapy sessions I cry over him. I have hobbies and friends but it doesn’t help. When I hang out with friends I start bawling my eyes out cause I miss him as soon as I get back to my car. I genuinely think he is the love of my life and nothing will compare to him. I want to go back to him, even if he doesn’t change, I’ll be okay with that.