u/Healthy_Insect7393

So I reverted on my 18th birthday, my journey of islam is a long one and I have this friend who was always super supportive and whenever I asked questions he'd immediately reply, he even gave me the Quran. I took my shahada in his house on my Birthday and man it felt great. Now it's been 2 months since I reverted and I just feel like shit I can't lie. That friend doesn't really talk to me anymore as I think he's going through some troubles I'm not sure, but neither do most of my muslim friends it feels as though they distanced themselves away from me a little bit but we all have our own lives our own troubles why should they care about my troubles ig but man do I feel alone more than ever. My best friend is a muslim but whenever I bring up Islam I can tell he doesn't really like talking about it I guess, and my neighbor is also a Muslim and I asked him if he would maybe come with me to the nearby mosque as I'm lowkey too scared to go alone for the first time but he told me he usually just prays with his parents and he's sorry. I felt really envious, I wish I could just pray with my parents like that. I recently told my cousin that I was muslim now and I can tell she did not really like that and if she didn't like that what would my entire family think. I just wish I was born Muslim, I still don't know how to pray and even if I did I wouldn't be able to because I still live with my parents and they are prolly the most islamophobic people I know. Life would be so much easier if I was just born Muslim, right now I'm honestly losing all my faith as I've never felt so lonely in my life. I just recently memorized Surah al Fatihah but I have no one to recite it to, to see if I'm doing it right. And I'm one of those people that craves to be in a relationship I guess but I stopped pursuing getting a girlfriend because that can lead to haram but all my friends around me during prom were having so much fun with their dates. And the thing is, even if I do eventually find a partner why would she want to be with me? My parents aren't Muslim and that would be a huge dealbreaker, I mean even my own name is a dealbreaker. How did other reverts start to feel accepted or included in the Muslim community? Maybe things will improve when I go to college next year as I'll be more independent, but right now it’s really hard to see that.