u/HealthWeird9766

That seems to be what I’m really struggling with most right now. 24 your marriage. Recent discovery of massage parlor visits and lots of other suspicions but no answers yet. This isn’t the first time with massage parlor visits in question.

For so many years, he hasn’t wanted me. And after trying several times to confront and ask why it was always met with blame to me. You’ve let yourself go, you’ve gained too much weight, I’m not attracted to you anymore, etc. I admit it. After so many years, I’m not being interested in me no affection, etc. I quit trying. I would initiate on rare occasions, but if I didn’t nothing,l would’ve ever happened. So after years of a roommate marriage, I finally discovered a few months ago that he’s been going to massage parlors.

I think the recent discovery paired with years of basically being abandoned I just don’t feel the same for him any more . I know I loved him when I married him, but I just don’t feel it now. I don’t really even like him I care about him and want him to get better and do what’s right, but I just can’t seem to get to a point where I can feel love for him anymore

This scares me the most. I’m looking for people in maybe similar situations with a long-term marriage where they were able to get that spark back. I don’t know how I can stay in this and try to help him through recovery without love and desire to make this work. I know I’m only three months out from discovery which by the way was not a confession. He got caught, and I confronted him.

Anybody have hopeful words for me? Worrying about this makes me feel really distraught.

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u/HealthWeird9766 — 9 days ago

Maybe I’m just in a bad mood. After dday just 2 months ago I’m really in a bad headspace. I feel like I just want to walk. I don’t feel I love him after years of neglect, emotional and sexual. While also being made to feel inadequate … And I’m worried that love isn’t coming back.

My husband is in IC and looking for a CSAT (seems to be dragging his feet ), reading books on SA and listening to podcasts, etc. He’s constantly texting me to tell me where he is and when he’s coming home.

And I just don’t care. I told him I don’t want to have to babysit him. I don’t want to have to know his locations and all his plans. Just do what you should be doing. Maybe it’s because I tracked him like a hawk for the last 4 months and saw just what he was up to and all the deception. Maybe it gave me ptsd.

Can anyone relate? I love him in the sense that he’s all I’ve known for the last 24 years and the father of my kids ad a good provider but with so little connection and then the massage parlors and more I probably my don’t know about I just feel out of empathy to want to work through this.

And I feel terrible about it. I want to want to try but I just feel nothing . I feel like I’d be fine alone the rest of my life. Even if my standard of living has to suffer a bit. We have 3 sons (14,18,21) and I want to try for them. But how do you do marriage counseling when you feel like you have one and a half feet out of the relationship? I don’t know that I have the energy or desire to try fixing this addiction for the next 2-5 years but I also feel so guilty for feeling that way.

Has anyone felt this down about things? I read all these comments about how much everyone loves their SA so much and is so freaked out when they leave the house. Because they worry they’ll act out. I legit don’t care anymore. I’m tired because I haven’t been important enough all these years, because he didn’t give a flying flip about me when he was ignoring me and seeking out other women, I’m mad that he lived a secret life while pretending to be a great family man and church leader, that I have to carry this secret of what he’s done and pretend to my boys that everything is good while I’m in indescribable pain, and that there’s no end in sight I’m mad the rug has been pulled out from under me after 24 years, that I have to choose to live my life with him and have no guarantee that he won’t do it again in 5 years OR. leave and blow up all our lives. And I’m supposed to want to help him through this?

Has anyone felt like this initially but was able to get love back and want to stay? I’m scared of how I’m feeling .

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u/HealthWeird9766 — 21 days ago